SNL Transcripts: George Kennedy: 10/17/81: Control Room ’81


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

Control Room ’81

Contestant #1…Regis Philbin
Contestant #2…Ron Howard
…George Kennedy
Woman…Christine Ebersole

[Open on darkened stage. Game show theme plays]

Announcer: Number One, what is your name, please? [Spotlight shines on contestants as the camera zooms in]

Contestant #1: My name is George Kennedy. [applause]

Announcer: Number Two. [Camera pans to second contestant]

Contestant #2: My name…is…George Kennedy. [applause]

Announcer: Number Three. [Camera pans to third contestant]

George Kennedy: My name is George Kennedy. [applause] [Camera zooms out to show all three contestants]

Announcer: I, George Kennedy have appeared in over 50 movies in both starring and supporting roles. I am best known for my Academy Award-winning performance in…

[Picture suddenly goes out. Cut to wide shot of the stage as the actors stand looking confused]

Voice: Uh, folks. We’ve, ah — this is the control room — we’ve, ah, just lost a camera. We’ve got some other ones, though. Let’s roll another camera in and please stand by while we take it again from the top.

[Stage lights are turned off. Game show theme plays again as first contestant is shown]

Announcer: Number One, what is your name, please?

Contestant #1: My name is George Kennedy.

Announcer: Number Two.

Contestant #2: My name is…

[Picture goes out again]

Voice: Uh, guys? Uh, we-we just lost another camera…but there’s no problem! This is a four-camera show and we can certainly do it with two cameras! Start again from the top.

[Lights go out and game show theme resumes]

Announcer: Number One, what is your name, please?

Contestant #1: My name is…[Picture goes out. Screen fills with static]

Voice: [panicked] I can’t believe it. We lost another camera! The chromera’s spiking and we’re losing our convergence! I’m trying not to panic, but this is a time I really wanna panic!

Woman’s Voice: [Gasps and screams] Please, somebody, get in here! We need help! Oh God!

[Cut to control room, where all the technicians are slumped over in their seats. The woman is trying to wake them up]

Woman: [crying] How could this happen? Oh my God, everybody, somebody, wake up! Oh my God, come on!

[George Kennedy enters]

George Kennedy: [yelling] What the hell is going on in here?! Who’s in charge?!

Woman: Ah-ah-I guess I am.

George Kennedy: Who are you?!

Woman: I’m the script girl.

George Kennedy: What is the matter with all of these people?!

Woman: They all had heart attacks, okay! [cries]

George Kennedy: What a bunch of wimps! Get outta the chair! [He pushes a technician off his chair, sits at the control panel and puts on a pair of headphones] Master Control. Master Control, this is Studio 8H. Do you read me?

Master Control: This is Master Control. Go ahead.

George Kennedy: This is George Kennedy. We got an emergency down here. I’m gonna take over the controls.

Master Control: [sternly] You cannot do that! You’re not a member of the technicians union!

George Kennedy: Now you listen to me and you hear this good! I got 300 people out there, I got 20 coronaries in here, seven actors and a trained dog, so don’t give me any of that bleedin’ hearts crud about unions!

Master Control: You’re crazy!

George Kennedy: I may be crazy, but I’ll tell you one thing, I’m in charge here! You stand by to roll! Ready, roll! [George pushes lever up, making picture fade to black] Five, four, three, two, one. Cue the music. Go! [Opening sequence and music start]

Submitted by: John Ravetti

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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