Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 7: Episode 3
81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis
Control Room ’81
Contestant #1…Regis Philbin
Contestant #2…Ron Howard
…George Kennedy
Woman…Christine Ebersole
Announcer: Number One, what is your name, please? [Spotlight shines on contestants as the camera zooms in]
Contestant #1: My name is George Kennedy. [applause]
Announcer: Number Two. [Camera pans to second contestant]
Contestant #2: My name…is…George Kennedy. [applause]
Announcer: Number Three. [Camera pans to third contestant]
George Kennedy: My name is George Kennedy. [applause] [Camera zooms out to show all three contestants]
Announcer: I, George Kennedy have appeared in over 50 movies in both starring and supporting roles. I am best known for my Academy Award-winning performance in…
[Picture suddenly goes out. Cut to wide shot of the stage as the actors stand looking confused]Voice: Uh, folks. We’ve, ah — this is the control room — we’ve, ah, just lost a camera. We’ve got some other ones, though. Let’s roll another camera in and please stand by while we take it again from the top.
[Stage lights are turned off. Game show theme plays again as first contestant is shown]Announcer: Number One, what is your name, please?
Contestant #1: My name is George Kennedy.
Announcer: Number Two.
Contestant #2: My name is…
[Picture goes out again]Voice: Uh, guys? Uh, we-we just lost another camera…but there’s no problem! This is a four-camera show and we can certainly do it with two cameras! Start again from the top.
[Lights go out and game show theme resumes]Announcer: Number One, what is your name, please?
Contestant #1: My name is…[Picture goes out. Screen fills with static]
Voice: [panicked] I can’t believe it. We lost another camera! The chromera’s spiking and we’re losing our convergence! I’m trying not to panic, but this is a time I really wanna panic!
Woman’s Voice: [Gasps and screams] Please, somebody, get in here! We need help! Oh God!
[Cut to control room, where all the technicians are slumped over in their seats. The woman is trying to wake them up]Woman: [crying] How could this happen? Oh my God, everybody, somebody, wake up! Oh my God, come on!
[George Kennedy enters]George Kennedy: [yelling] What the hell is going on in here?! Who’s in charge?!
Woman: Ah-ah-I guess I am.
George Kennedy: Who are you?!
Woman: I’m the script girl.
George Kennedy: What is the matter with all of these people?!
Woman: They all had heart attacks, okay! [cries]
George Kennedy: What a bunch of wimps! Get outta the chair! [He pushes a technician off his chair, sits at the control panel and puts on a pair of headphones] Master Control. Master Control, this is Studio 8H. Do you read me?
Master Control: This is Master Control. Go ahead.
George Kennedy: This is George Kennedy. We got an emergency down here. I’m gonna take over the controls.
Master Control: [sternly] You cannot do that! You’re not a member of the technicians union!
George Kennedy: Now you listen to me and you hear this good! I got 300 people out there, I got 20 coronaries in here, seven actors and a trained dog, so don’t give me any of that bleedin’ hearts crud about unions!
Master Control: You’re crazy!
George Kennedy: I may be crazy, but I’ll tell you one thing, I’m in charge here! You stand by to roll! Ready, roll! [George pushes lever up, making picture fade to black] Five, four, three, two, one. Cue the music. Go! [Opening sequence and music start]
Submitted by: John Ravetti
