SNL Transcripts: George Kennedy: 10/17/81: Velvet Jones School of Technology


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

Velvet Jones School of Technology

Velvet Jones…..Eddie Murphy
Woman…..Robin Duke

[Open with Velvet in front of a sign reading ‘Velvet Jones School of Technology’ in large type]

Velvet Jones: Hello! Are you a female high-school dropout between the ages of 16 and 25? Are you tired of doors being slammed in your face when you apply for a job? Are you tired of lying around in bed all day with nothing to do? Well, you never need get up again! Because in 6 short weeks, I can train you to be a high-payin’ ho! That’s right! It’s a known fact that a good ho can make up to $1500 a week! Just think, $1500 a week without even leaving the comforts of your own bedroom! Sound too good to be true? Just send for my new book entitled:

[Brings in the book]

Velvet Jones: ‘I Wanna Be a Ho’! And if, in 6 short weeks, you’re not confident that you can make big money as a ho workin’ for me, just send the book back for a full refund! It’s as simple as that!

[Oval-window opens on screen to the right of Velvet]

Woman in window: Well, you…you get to meet new people, travel, wear nice clothes, make money, and, have LOTS and lots of sex! Heh heh…what more could a woman ask for?

[Window closes; cut to screen displaying:]

Box 800
New York, N.Y.

Voiceover: Rush $19.95 to “Be a Ho”, Box 800, New York, New York, 99999.

[Cut back to Velvet]

Velvet Jones: Be somebody! Be a ho!

Submitted by: Andrew Rae

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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