SNL Transcripts: George Kennedy: 10/17/81: Velvet Jones School of Technology


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

Velvet Jones School of Technology

Velvet Jones…..Eddie Murphy
Woman…..Robin Duke

[Open with Velvet in front of a sign reading ‘Velvet Jones School of Technology’ in large type]

Velvet Jones: Hello! Are you a female high-school dropout between the ages of 16 and 25? Are you tired of doors being slammed in your face when you apply for a job? Are you tired of lying around in bed all day with nothing to do? Well, you never need get up again! Because in 6 short weeks, I can train you to be a high-payin’ ho! That’s right! It’s a known fact that a good ho can make up to $1500 a week! Just think, $1500 a week without even leaving the comforts of your own bedroom! Sound too good to be true? Just send for my new book entitled:

[Brings in the book]

Velvet Jones: ‘I Wanna Be a Ho’! And if, in 6 short weeks, you’re not confident that you can make big money as a ho workin’ for me, just send the book back for a full refund! It’s as simple as that!

[Oval-window opens on screen to the right of Velvet]

Woman in window: Well, you…you get to meet new people, travel, wear nice clothes, make money, and, have LOTS and lots of sex! Heh heh…what more could a woman ask for?

[Window closes; cut to screen displaying:]

Box 800
New York, N.Y.

Voiceover: Rush $19.95 to “Be a Ho”, Box 800, New York, New York, 99999.

[Cut back to Velvet]

Velvet Jones: Be somebody! Be a ho!

Submitted by: Andrew Rae

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x