Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 7: Episode 3
Velvet Jones School of Technology
Velvet Jones…..Eddie Murphy
[Open with Velvet in front of a sign reading ‘Velvet Jones School of Technology’ in large type]
Velvet Jones: Hello! Are you a female high-school dropout between the ages of 16 and 25? Are you tired of doors being slammed in your face when you apply for a job? Are you tired of lying around in bed all day with nothing to do? Well, you never need get up again! Because in 6 short weeks, I can train you to be a high-payin’ ho! That’s right! It’s a known fact that a good ho can make up to $1500 a week! Just think, $1500 a week without even leaving the comforts of your own bedroom! Sound too good to be true? Just send for my new book entitled:
[Brings in the book]
Velvet Jones: ‘I Wanna Be a Ho’! And if, in 6 short weeks, you’re not confident that you can make big money as a ho workin’ for me, just send the book back for a full refund! It’s as simple as that!
[Oval-window opens on screen to the right of Velvet]
Woman in window: Well, you…you get to meet new people, travel, wear nice clothes, make money, and, have LOTS and lots of sex! Heh heh…what more could a woman ask for?
[Window closes; cut to screen displaying:]
“BE A HO”
New York, N.Y.
Voiceover: Rush $19.95 to “Be a Ho”, Box 800, New York, New York, 99999.
[Cut back to Velvet]
Velvet Jones: Be somebody! Be a ho!
Submitted by: Andrew Rae