SNL Transcripts: Donald Pleasence: 10/31/81: Sugar Breakfast


Candy Galaxy

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 4

81d: Donald Pleasence / Fear

Sugar Breakfast

Dad…..Joe Piscopo
Mom…..Mary Gross
Son…..Tony Rosato
Daughter…..Robin Duke
Mr. Elliott…..Eddie Murphy

[ open on suburban kitchen, where Mom is setting the table ]

[ Dad enters, yawning ]

Dad: Good morning, Sweetheart…

Mom: Good morning, Honey.

[ they kiss, then she hands him a cup of coffee ]

Dad: Oh… thanks. Where’s the sugar?

Mom: On the table.

[ Dad continues to yawn, as he sits at the table and scoops endless spoonfuls of sugar into his coffee cup ]

Mom: [ yawning ] Pour me a cup, too, would you, dear?

Dad: Sure, Honey… [ he pours endless scoops of sugar into her coffee cup ]

Mom: You want some coffee in that?

Dad: Noooo… no, no, no, no…

[ they guzzle down the pure sugar from their coffee cups ]

Dad: Mmm… Oh, honey, that hits the spot.

Mom: Mmm, it sure does! Big day today, sweetheart?

Dad: No, nothing special. Just like I said — I got those couple of meetings, and, other than that, it should be a pretty easy day, you know?

Mom: Oh, that’s nice.

Dad: How about you, though?

Mom: Well, I gotta go to the dentist, and I gotta take the kids to the dermatologist. I’ve got a lot of baking to do today.

Dad: Oh, boy — I don’t know how you do it, honeybun.

Mom: Oh, stop!

Dad: Yeah. Hey, you want another cup?

Mom: Sure! Thanks, hon!

[ he pours the sugar straight into her coffee cup, then pours more sugar for himself ]

Dad: I am NOTHING without my first cup in the morning.

Mom: [ turning hyper ] I’m raring to go myself!

Dad: [ now hyper as well ] Honey, let’s put a new roof on the house!

Mom: No, honey! That can wait until tonight! Now it’s time for breakfast with the kids! It’s the most important meal of the day!

Dad: Oh! Say, where are the kids, anyway?

Mom: Oh! [ she runs toward the living room ] Come on down, kids! Breakfaaaaast!

Dad: Honey, do we have any syrup?

Mom: Sure! [ she opens the fridge ]

[ the kids enter the kitchen ]

Son: Morning, Mom… Morning, Dad…

Dad: Hey, kids!

Son: Hi, Dad…

Daughter: Hi, Dad! hi, Mom!

Dad: Sit down, have some breakfast! It’s the most important meal of the day, you know!

Mom: You’re just in time for breakfast: Nice sugar lumps and maple syrup!

Son: Thank you, Mom…

Mom: Here’s your syrup, Hon!

Dad: Oh! Thank you! You know… I really, really, really enjoy this sugar cubes and maple syrup! [ he pours himself a bowl ] Mmmmm, boy! Definitely my FAVORITE meal! [ he also pours himself a glass of syrup to drink ]

Daughter: Mom? Mom? Do we have any gelatin with us this month?

Mom: Oh, yeah! [ she grabs some from the counter ]

Dad: Yeah, honey, is there any, uh, honey around?

Mom: Oh! Right here! [ she hands it over ]

Daughter: Could you pass the sugar, Dad?

Dad: Right here! I’ve got the sugar right there, sweetheart.

[ Mom brings out a plate stacked high with donuts ]

Mom: Here you are!

Son: Oh, thank you, Mom! [ he grabs a stack ]

Mom: Son, did you get your homework finished last night?

Son: Oh, I was too tired.

Dad: Too tired? That’s no excuse, you were too tired.

[ Daughter starts chuckling in a hyper manner ]

Dad: Hey! Now, you mnid yourself, little girl!

Mom: Hey! She’s only having fun!

Dad: Hey! Let ME handle this, honey!

Mom: Oh! Gee, you’re always tougher on the kids!

Dad: Well, don’t tell me how to raise our kids!

Son: Mom!

Daughter: Dad! Stop!

Dad: Ohhhh, they’re right, honey… I’m sorry.

Mom: No, I’m sorry!

Dad: I love you!

Mom: I love you!

Dad: Kiss?!

Mom: Okay!

[ they kiss wildly and passionately ]

Dad: Oh, hey! [ he reaches into his mouth ] Lost a tooth!

Mom: Get the tooth jar!

Dad: Tooth jar! Yaaayyyy!!

[ the kids fight to be the one to bring the tooth jar down from the fridge ]

Dad: Come on, kids! Come on! [ Daughter brings the tooth jar over ] Into the tooth jar, here we go! [ he drops his tooth into the jar ] Hey, kids! What do you say we help Mom clean up, huh?

[ the kids cheer ]

Mom: That’s great! You do the dishes, and I’ll wax the wall!

[ they all begin to do these chores in a manic, hyper manner ]

Mom: Hey, honey! What time is it?!

Dad: Uhh… [ he checks his watch, disrupting the assembly line ] It’s about 8:45, sweetheart!

Mom: 8:45?! you’re all gonna be late!

Dad: Oh, no!! We’re gonna be late!!

[ Mom frantically tries to get their lunches together, as everyone hops around the room in panic-mode ]

[ Mom then pulls an oversized bag of granulated sugar from the pantry and quickly pours it into the kids’ lunch boxes, as Son scoops a few handfuls in the melee ]

Mom: Danny! you’ll spoil your appetite!

Son: Oh, Mom…

Dad: Don’t yell at him, sweetheart!

Mom: I wasn’t yelling!

Dad: Don’t tell me you weren’t yelling!!

Mom: Don’t tell me what to do!!

Dad: Don’t tell me what NOT to do!!

Mom: Oh, I’m sorry, honey! What are we doing?!

Dad: Oh, we’re arguing again! I’m sorry, honey…

Mom: I’m really sorry…

Dad: Oh, I love you!

Mom: I love you!

Dad: Kiss!

Mom: Kiss!

[ they kiss wildly and passionately ]

Mom: Lost a tooth!

Dad: Oh! let’s put it in the tooth jar!

[ she drops her tooth into the tooth jar, as the doorbell rings ]

Dad: Oh! Someone’s at the door!

[ the family runs wildly around the kitchen as they find a path toward the door ]

Dad: Hey, it’s Mr. Elliott!! Mr. Elliott!! Hi, Mr. Elliott!! How are you?!

Mr. Elliott: [ entering ] Man, will y’all shut the hell up?! I can hear you all the way across the street!

Dad: Oh!

Mr. Elliott: It’s the same thing every morning, man! Can y’all keep it down a little bit?

Dad: Mr. Elliott, come on in! Have some breakfast! The most important meal of the day! Sit right down there for breakfast! It’s no problem at all! [ he pushes Mr. Elliott into a chair at the table ]

Mr. Elliott: I stepped on some glass!

Dad: Ohhhhh, no! Well, what the heck! We’ll take care of that later! Yeah… so… would you like some breakfast?

Mr. Elliott: What y’all having?

Daughter: Twinkies!

Son: Twinkies!

Mom: Twinkies! [ she rushes to the fridge ]

Dad: Yeah — Twinkies!

Mom: I was gonna save them for dinner, but what the heck! Let’s have a party!!

[ Son turns up the radio to a fast-pitched version “Sugar, Sugar”, as he and Daughter begin to dance wildly ]

Mom: You two are crazy! You don’t know how to dance! Here’s how your father and I danced when we were your age — nice and slow!

[ Mom and Dad also dance in a frantic manner, as a horn honks outside ]

Dad: Oh! The school bus is out there!

Son: We gotta go, we gotta go!!

Daughter: We’re late, we’re late!!

[ the entire family runs out of the place, leaving a bewildered Mr. Elliott sitting at their kitchen table alone ]

Mr. Elliott: Crazy white people…

[ the camera zooms in on a sign on the wall: “Home Sweet Home” ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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