SNL Transcripts: Lauren Hutton: 11/07/81: Here’s Cos

Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 7: Episode 5


81e: Lauren Hutton / Rick James & The Stone City Band

Here’s Cos

Bill Cosby…..Eddie Murphy

Announcer: He’s hosted the Tonight Show almost as much as Johnny. For years he’s made America laugh and now hereeeeeeeeee’s Cos!

(Bill Cosby comes out in front of the Tonight Show curtain)

Bill Cosby: Thank you! Thank you much! Just stop it! Ladies and gentlemen, I’m so happy my wife Camille would let me come out and play with you tonight. This is really nice.

(Cut to a record album entitled “Here’s Cos”)

Announcer: Yes, all of Bill Cosby’s hilarious Tonight Show monologues are here in one special collection. Hear Cos start stories that don’t go anywhere.

Bill Cosby: I have these daughters, all of which have at least, at least two fingers on each hand.

Announcer: Concepts that aren’t funny.

Bill Cosby: Fear…

Announcer: You’ll hear him talk about people you’ve never heard of.

Bill Cosby: Every neighborhood had a kid who always wore a purple shirt, used to run real fast and pick his navel. You know him, don’t you?

Announcer: No, we don’t, but that doesn’t stop Cos, it’s all here. The mumbling,

Bill Cosby: (Mumbles)

Announcer: The mugging.

Bill Cosby: (mugs with an open mouth)

Announcer: And the plugging!

Bill Cosby: On November 15th, I will be appearing at the Sahara Hotel, standing in the lobby, selling copies of my album. So come on and buy one. It’ll make you smile.

Announcer: Rush $9.95 to “Here’s Cos Burbank, Calif.”

Bill Cosby: You know you want to smile. I saw you look like this (rolls eyes) That’s right. You do.

Submitted by: Nick Johnson

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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The line is actually, “Every neighborhood had a kid who always wore a purple shirt, used to run real fast and pick his navel. You know him, don’t you?”