SNL Transcripts: Bernadette Peters: 11/14/81: Escape From New York Films

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 6

81f: Bernadette Peters / The Go’Go’s, Billy Joel

Escape From New York Films

[ open on theater marquee for “Escape From New York” ]

Announcer: It’s 1981.

[ cut to audiences sitting restlessly inside the theater ]

Announcer: A New York theater is NOW a maximum security prison, in which audiences are FORCED to watch a SICKENING film!

[ cut to montage of stills from the film ]

Announcer: NEVER has such mindless film EXPLODED on the screen.

Kurt Ruusell IS the Bore.

Donald Pleasance IS the English Ham.

Adrienne Bimbo IS the Director’s Wife.

[ cut to audience members scrambling from their seats ]

Announcer: They have 24 hours to KILL every living trace of wit and intelligence. This is the story of a crazed audience that cannot survive such a vicious onslaught of stupidity. UNLESS they…

[ cut to title card ]

Announcer: “Escape From Escape From New York”.

[ cut to circular pan of the theater district ]

Announcer: And at a theater directly next door… the ironic, bittersweet story of how a crazed audiences escaped from “Escape From New York”… ONLY to be trapped in the latest nine-hour version of a cinematic classic by Martin Scorcese:

[ cut to theater marquee ]

Announcer: “New York, New York”.

Robert DeNiro IS the Mumbler.

Liza Minnelli IS the Dog.

Abandon all hope of waking up, UNLESS you…

[ cut to title card ]

Announcer: “Escape From New York, New York”.

[ fade ]

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