Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 7: Episode 6
81f: Bernadette Peters / The Go’Go’s, Billy Joel
Escape From New York Films
[ open on theater marquee for “Escape From New York” ]
Announcer: It’s 1981.
[ cut to audiences sitting restlessly inside the theater ]
Announcer: A New York theater is NOW a maximum security prison, in which audiences are FORCED to watch a SICKENING film!
[ cut to montage of stills from the film ]
Announcer: NEVER has such mindless film EXPLODED on the screen.
Kurt Ruusell IS the Bore.
Donald Pleasance IS the English Ham.
Adrienne Bimbo IS the Director’s Wife.
[ cut to audience members scrambling from their seats ]
Announcer: They have 24 hours to KILL every living trace of wit and intelligence. This is the story of a crazed audience that cannot survive such a vicious onslaught of stupidity. UNLESS they…
[ cut to title card ]
Announcer: “Escape From Escape From New York”.
[ cut to circular pan of the theater district ]
Announcer: And at a theater directly next door… the ironic, bittersweet story of how a crazed audiences escaped from “Escape From New York”… ONLY to be trapped in the latest nine-hour version of a cinematic classic by Martin Scorcese:
[ cut to theater marquee ]
Announcer: “New York, New York”.
Robert DeNiro IS the Mumbler.
Liza Minnelli IS the Dog.
Abandon all hope of waking up, UNLESS you…
[ cut to title card ]
Announcer: “Escape From New York, New York”.
[ fade ]
