Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 7: Episode 7
Reagan’s Illigitimate Son
[Eddie is sitting at his desk in his office]
Eddie Murphy: I think it’s time to set the record straight once and for all and I think it’s time that the truth is known. You see, I’ve been keeping this quiet for quite some time man but no more. There’s a lot that you people don’t know about me and there’s alot I don’t know myself you see, because my papa left home when I was very young. He left me and my mama when I was ten years old. Papa, I know you’re watching and I know what you’re feeling.I know what I’m feeling. Hey man, I love you. Why don’t you just come on home because we need you. You all know myfather. (Pulls out a photo of Ronald Reagan) I’m Ronald Reagan’s illegitimate son.
I remember when you first left home, papa. It was a Saturday morning. We was watching Gumby together. It was your favorite show, papa. I got up and went into the kitchen to get me a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and I looked inside the refrigerator and there wasn’t no milk and he patted me on the head and he said “Don’t worry son, I’ll go to the store and get you some milk.” Papa, I ain’t seen you since man! Next thing I know, you’re the govenor of California. Now you’re in the White House and I’ve got a half brother prancing around the country in a pair of danskins man! It’s embarrassing man!
Papa, please. Papa, look, I want to tell the people of the world. I have proof that he’s my father. Here’s a pictureof papa and me and my mama when I was about three years old. (shows a doctored photo of three year old Eddie (his adult face), his mama and Ronald Reagan) (Gets teary eyed) Papa, I love you please come home. Papa please. The address is Harlem, 413 125th Street, The Kennedy Projects papa. Apartment 3C. Papa please! Papa please, I love you! Papa!
Submitted by: Nick Johnson