Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 7: Episode 8
Air Date: December 12th, 1981
Host: Bill Murray
Musical Guest: The Spinners
Special Guests: Michael Davis
Cameos: Father Guido Sarducci
Bit Players: Yale Wiffenpoofs
None
Andy Murphy
The Phone Company
Montage
Bill Murray’s Monologue
Summary: Bill Murray introduces the audience to his close, personal friend, Santa Claus (Andy Murphy).
Tales of the Unlikely
Summary: A trio of Libyan terrorists (Bill Murray, Eddie Murphy, Robin Duke) pose as students in an attempt to assassinate President Ronald Reagan on behalf of Colonel Kaddafy.
Hotel Room
Summary: Tom Snyder (Joe Piscopo) mourns the loss of “Tomorrow” by pretending to continue hosting the show in a singy hotel room.
Recurring Characters: Tom Snyder.
The Spinners perform a medley of their hits
Note: The Spinners’ medley includes the hits “Then Came You”, “I’ll Be Around”, and “Working My Way Back to You.”
MX-5 Tampons
Summary: Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello) promotes the tampons that are stronger than Brenda Vaccarro’s preferred brand.
Recurring Characters: Father Guido Sarducci.
SNL Newsbreak with Brian Doyle-Murray
Summary: Brian Doyle-Murray outlines the numerous misspellings of Kaddafy. Sportscaster Joe Piscopo airs an early interview with Muhammed Ali (Eddie Murphy) prior to going to him for an update on his boxing career. In a filmed report, Mary Gross gets childrens’ reaction to the overcommercialization of Christmas.
Recurring Characters: Muhammed Ali.
Designer Fairy Tales
Summary: Brooke Shields (Mary Gross) reads the tale of how elves helped Ralph Lauren (Bill Murray) create a new fashion line.
Recurring Characters: Brooke Shields.
Michael Davis
Summary: Prompted by a fan letter, comic-juggler Michael Davis attempts to juggle three bowling balls.
Father Guido Sarducci’s Predictions
Summary: Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello) unveils his psychic predictions for the coming year.
Recurring Characters: Father Guido Sarducci.
At Home With The Psychos
Summary: Suburban family (Bill Murray, Christine Ebersole, Mary Gross, Eddie Murphy) living next to a cracked nuclear reactor prepare for World War 3 and the opportunity to get rich selling blowhole cosmetic accessories to the radiation-affected survivors.
The Economics of Christmas
Summary: Rich couple (Joe Piscopo, Christine Ebersole) turns down Honker’s (Bill Murray) request for a handout in favor of him earning it through trickle-down economics.
Recurring Characters: Honker.
The Yale Wiffenpoofs
GoodnightsTranscript
