SNL Transcripts: Bill Murray: 12/12/81: Bill Murray’s Monologue

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 8



81h: Bill Murray / The Spinners

Bill Murray’s Monologue

…..Bill Murray
Santa Claus…..Andy Murphy

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Bill Murray!

Bill Murray: Welcome. It’s going to be a great show tonight! We have some increible, incredible guests – starting with this man. Ladies and gentlemen, Santa Claus! [ Santa walks out and is hugged by Bill ] I love this guy! I want to tell you something about this man. Santa’s schedule this time of year is almost as hectic as mine. I mean.. I call him up, though, and I said, “Chris, I’m hosting ‘Saturday Night Live.’ Can you be here?” He said, “Billy, two things: What time, and What do I wear?” The guy is a saint! A legitimate Christian holy man. You know what I’m saying? I mean, everyone knows, around Christmas, the guy is working. What they don’t know is the Kringle does this 365 a year. True story: Glen Campbell Invitiational Golf Tournament. The nut – Claus – shows up, gives Rolex watches to everybody. [ holds up his arm ] I haven’t taken it off! It’s incredibly expensive! [ turns to Santa ] I love you, man! [ hugs Santa ] Is he gorgeous? Can we hear a round? He’s gonna be back later! We’ll be right back! I am very excited!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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