SNL Transcripts: Bill Murray: 12/12/81: Bill Murray’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 8

81h: Bill Murray / The Spinners

Bill Murray’s Monologue

…..Bill Murray
Santa Claus…..Andy Murphy

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Bill Murray!

Bill Murray: Welcome. It’s going to be a great show tonight! We have some increible, incredible guests – starting with this man. Ladies and gentlemen, Santa Claus! [ Santa walks out and is hugged by Bill ] I love this guy! I want to tell you something about this man. Santa’s schedule this time of year is almost as hectic as mine. I mean.. I call him up, though, and I said, “Chris, I’m hosting ‘Saturday Night Live.’ Can you be here?” He said, “Billy, two things: What time, and What do I wear?” The guy is a saint! A legitimate Christian holy man. You know what I’m saying? I mean, everyone knows, around Christmas, the guy is working. What they don’t know is the Kringle does this 365 a year. True story: Glen Campbell Invitiational Golf Tournament. The nut – Claus – shows up, gives Rolex watches to everybody. [ holds up his arm ] I haven’t taken it off! It’s incredibly expensive! [ turns to Santa ] I love you, man! [ hugs Santa ] Is he gorgeous? Can we hear a round? He’s gonna be back later! We’ll be right back! I am very excited!

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