SNL Transcripts: James Coburn: 02/06/82: Jesus in Blue Jeans

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 11

81k: James Coburn / Lindsey Buckingham

Jesus in Blue Jeans

Jerry Falwell…..Brian Doyle-Murray

Jerry Falwell: Parents, are you troubled by moral decay, rampantamong today’s teenagers? Hello, I’m Reverand Jerry Falwell. Have you everwondered what your young people are listening to on those tiny headphonesof theirs? I can assure you it’s not our Master’s voice. No, sir,it’s the secret stereophonic whisperings of Satan. How many times have weseen a youngster listen to a rock and roll recording, and then talk back tohis parents and fornicate? Never forget that it’s only a short skip fromthe phonographic needle to the hypodermic needle. Rock and roll music isthe Devil’s music – until now. Because for just $9.98, you can use thissame music to deliver your children from evil. It’s all here in my newborn-again rock and roll collection: Jesus in Blue Jeans. Youget 24 great rock hits, but no sex and no drugs – just good rockin’ lovesongs to God. Here’s just some of what you get.

[ SUPER: “Help Me, Jesus ]Jingle:
“Help me, Jesus, Help, help me, Jesus
Help me, Jesus, Help, help me, Jesus!
Help me, Jesus, Help, help me, Jesus
Help me, Jesus, Help, help me, Jesus!”

Jerry Falwell: These are great rock and roll classics.

“It’s my party, and I’ll pray if I want to
pray if I want to
pray if I want to.
You would pray, too, if it happened to you!”

Jerry Falwell: “The Messiah’s Back”.

“The Messiah’s back, and there’s gonna be trouble.
(Hey-la, hey-la, the Messiah’s back!)
Satan’s here, you’d better cut out on the double.
(Hey-la, hey-la, the Messiah’s back!)”

Jerry Falwell: And how about my personal favorite..

“Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got God in my tummy..”

Jerry Falwell: You even get this great Christmas classic:

“Baby Lord, my Baby Lord
I need you, oh how I need you.”

Jerry Falwell: Ah, my Lord, that’s righteous music! If youlove your children, just send me that $9.98. But remember the Lord worksin mysterious ways, so allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. And, if you ordernow, we’ll send you, absolutely free, a one-year subscription to AllAlong the Watchtower magazine. Send for my record today, or burnin hellfire eternal.

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