SNL Transcripts: James Coburn: 02/06/82: The President’s Birthday

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 11

81k: James Coburn / Lindsey Buckingham

The President’s Birthday

Frank Sinatra…..Joe Piscopo

Announcer: Tonight: President Ronald Reagan celebrates his 71stbirthday. Mr. President, ladies and gentlemen, the Honorory EntertainmentDirector of the White House – Mr. Francis Albert Sinatra!

Frank Sinatra: [ walks onstage to a smattering of applause ]
“My kind of Chief.. Executive
We’re talkin’ Chief.. Executive.
Shoots down Kadaffi, Ron Reagan does
Takes naps when he wants to, Ron Reagan does.
That Chief Executive
Why, he’s my kind of guy!
Ron Reagan! Ron Reagan!
My kind of gu-u-u-u-uyy!! Ron Reagan!

It’s an honor to be here tonight. Before we talk about the main man,I’d like to do something for our First Chick!

“When she gets hungry, the Third World can wait
She buys her china, at one-grand a plate
Threads by Adolfo, oh that chick, she looks great.
The First Lady.. champ!”

Speaking of champs, how about that Secretary-of-State of ours, huh?

“He’s bad, bad, bad Al Haig
tougher than the Red Brigade.
Badder than old King Kong
meaner than a neutron bomb!”

Here’s a little something that you very well might have heard throughthe years..

“When I was 17..
Ron, you were 63!”

[ laughs ] Seriously, Mr. President. Not only are you the leader of thisgreat country of ours, you are a devoted father to your son, the dancer.

“Fairy tales can true
Ron, it happened to you.
Da da da da-a-a-a..”

Ron, I’m sure you feel the same way about Ron, Jr. that I do aboutFrank, Jr. But let’s give our young people something to look forward to -a free Poland. Solidarity. Hey, how many Polish people does it take toscrew in a light bulb, huh? Well, I’m sure one could do it.. but, first,we gotta hand them the light bulb of freedom. It’s up to 200 milionAmericans to help them screw it in. And we should all stand behind thatmarvelous human being, Lech Walesa. Lechy, you are one groovy cat! But right now, ladies and gentlemen, back to the festivities at hand!

“Happy birthday to you!
Birthday, you!
Happy, happy, Ronnie..
Happy birthday.. happy birthday..
A birthday, you!

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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