Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 7: Episode 15
Geraldo Rivera…..Joe Piscopo
Woman in Labor…..Blythe Danner
Announcer: And now, a “20/20” exclusive: “Horror in Our Hospitals.”[ dissolve to an outer hospital hall, as Geraldo Rivera enters weilding a microphone ]
Geraldo Rivera: I’m the cold, sterile corridors of Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan. A place of healing, or a place of cruel, inhuman torture? Hello, I’m Geraldo Rivera. Something is going on here in Mount Sinai, but nobody is talking. [ orderlies push a woman past Geraldo on a stretcher ] Excuse me, miss. Geraldo Rivera. Could I ask you a few questions? [ the orderlies continue to push the stretcher off-screen ] Excuse me, miss! [ unpleased ] Obviously, she’s been instructed not to talk to us.[ a woman’s scream pierces from behind the door at Geraldo’s back ]
Geraldo Rivera: A cry of human anguish behind an anonymous green door. Who knows what suffering waits within. This is too much, let’s go inside.[ Geraldo bursts into the room, as doctors crowd over a woman giving birth ]
Geraldo Rivera: Alright, what’s going on in here, what’s going on?
Obstetrician: [ outraged by the interruption ] This woman’s in labor! Who is this guy?!
Geraldo Rivera: I’m Geraldo Rivera!
Obstetrician: Get this guy out of here!
Geraldo Rivera: Who are you, and what you trying to hide?
Obstetrician: [ stands and approaches Geraldo ] I’m not trying to hide anything! I’m an obstretrician! I’m trying to help this woman deliver a baby, for god’s sake!
Geraldo Rivera: Oh, you’re not trying to hide anything? Then why the mask, Doctor? [ pulls the obstretrician’s mask off his face ]
Obstetrician: Hey, what the heck’s going on?
Geraldo Rivera: And what about these rubber gloves? [ tugs at the obstretrician’s right glove ] Afraid of fingerprints, huh? Is that the story?
Obstetrician: What are you doing?![ the obstetrician frees himself loose, as Geraldo corners an approaching nurse ]
Geraldo Rivera: Geraldo Rivera! What do you call this, huh? What do you call this?
Nurse: I-it’s just something to relieve the pain.
Geraldo Rivera: Uh-huh. In other words, hard drugs. A vicious pattern at Mount Sinai. Keep the patient stoned, so they don’t ask any questions. [ picks up a pair of clamps ] And what about this? Oh, God knows what these are for?[ Geraldo stands over the woman in labor ]
Geraldo Rivera: They say you’re having a baby? Is that true? Is that true, are you having a baby? [ she pants rapidly ] You can talk to me, I’m Geraldo Rivera! [ she can’t form her words, panting and gasping more rapidly ] If you’re afraid of these people — look, if you’re having a baby, who’s the father?! Who’s the father?![ the father moves closer with a camera ]
Geraldo Rivera: Hey, what’s with the camera, pal, huh?
Father: Well.. I’m taking pictures of my baby being born.
Geraldo Rivera: Oh, what is this, child pornography, huh? You know, last year over 50,000 young girls were sexually molested because of smut like this! [ throws the camera to the floor ]
Father: I’ll kill you, that was a Nikon! [ strangles Geraldo ]
Geraldo Rivera: Oh, you see! Another unprovoked attack on a journalist just trying to do his job![ security officers crash into the room and pull Geraldo into the hall ]
Geraldo Rivera: Go ahead, rough me up! This is police brutality! This is Geraldo Rivera, at a snakepit called Mount Sinai, reporting. [ to the officers ] Go ahead! Rough me up, rough me up —[ dissolve to “20/20” logo ] [ fade ]