SNL Transcripts: Blythe Danner: 03/27/82: 20/20


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 15

81o: Blythe Danner / Rickie Lee Jones


Geraldo Rivera…..Joe Piscopo
Obstetrician…..Tony Rosato
Nurse…..Robin Duke
Woman in Labor…..Blythe Danner
Father…..Tim Kazurinsky
Intern…..Neil Levy

[ open on “20/20” logo ]

Announcer: And now, a “20/20” exclusive: “Horror in Our Hospitals.”

[ dissolve to an outer hospital hall, as Geraldo Rivera enters weilding a microphone ]

Geraldo Rivera: I’m the cold, sterile corridors of Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan. A place of healing, or a place of cruel, inhuman torture? Hello, I’m Geraldo Rivera. Something is going on here in Mount Sinai, but nobody is talking. [ orderlies push a woman past Geraldo on a stretcher ] Excuse me, miss. Geraldo Rivera. Could I ask you a few questions? [ the orderlies continue to push the stretcher off-screen ] Excuse me, miss! [ unpleased ] Obviously, she’s been instructed not to talk to us.

[ a woman’s scream pierces from behind the door at Geraldo’s back ]

Geraldo Rivera: A cry of human anguish behind an anonymous green door. Who knows what suffering waits within. This is too much, let’s go inside.

[ Geraldo bursts into the room, as doctors crowd over a woman giving birth ]

Geraldo Rivera: Alright, what’s going on in here, what’s going on?

Obstetrician: [ outraged by the interruption ] This woman’s in labor! Who is this guy?!

Geraldo Rivera: I’m Geraldo Rivera!

Obstetrician: Get this guy out of here!

Geraldo Rivera: Who are you, and what you trying to hide?

Obstetrician: [ stands and approaches Geraldo ] I’m not trying to hide anything! I’m an obstretrician! I’m trying to help this woman deliver a baby, for god’s sake!

Geraldo Rivera: Oh, you’re not trying to hide anything? Then why the mask, Doctor? [ pulls the obstretrician’s mask off his face ]

Obstetrician: Hey, what the heck’s going on?

Geraldo Rivera: And what about these rubber gloves? [ tugs at the obstretrician’s right glove ] Afraid of fingerprints, huh? Is that the story?

Obstetrician: What are you doing?!

[ the obstetrician frees himself loose, as Geraldo corners an approaching nurse ]

Geraldo Rivera: Geraldo Rivera! What do you call this, huh? What do you call this?

Nurse: I-it’s just something to relieve the pain.

Geraldo Rivera: Uh-huh. In other words, hard drugs. A vicious pattern at Mount Sinai. Keep the patient stoned, so they don’t ask any questions. [ picks up a pair of clamps ] And what about this? Oh, God knows what these are for?

[ Geraldo stands over the woman in labor ]

Geraldo Rivera: They say you’re having a baby? Is that true? Is that true, are you having a baby? [ she pants rapidly ] You can talk to me, I’m Geraldo Rivera! [ she can’t form her words, panting and gasping more rapidly ] If you’re afraid of these people — look, if you’re having a baby, who’s the father?! Who’s the father?!

[ the father moves closer with a camera ]

Geraldo Rivera: Hey, what’s with the camera, pal, huh?

Father: Well.. I’m taking pictures of my baby being born.

Geraldo Rivera: Oh, what is this, child pornography, huh? You know, last year over 50,000 young girls were sexually molested because of smut like this! [ throws the camera to the floor ]

Father: I’ll kill you, that was a Nikon! [ strangles Geraldo ]

Geraldo Rivera: Oh, you see! Another unprovoked attack on a journalist just trying to do his job!

[ security officers crash into the room and pull Geraldo into the hall ]

Geraldo Rivera: Go ahead, rough me up! This is police brutality! This is Geraldo Rivera, at a snakepit called Mount Sinai, reporting. [ to the officers ] Go ahead! Rough me up, rough me up —

[ dissolve to “20/20” logo ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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