Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 7: Episode 15
Help Blythe Danner
Costume Designer…..Robin Duke
[ open on interior, Blythe Danner’s dressing room. She looks up to notice the camera on her ]
Blythe Danner: Oh, hello! I’m Blythe Danner, and I’m here to speak to you for a moment about a problem that affects thousands of serious actors and actresses like myself. Every year, as government funding for the arts is cut back, hundreds of legitimate actors are forced to appear on comedy programs like this one. Oh, there are those of us who go willingly, but most of us are subjected to this agony and humiliation against our will. Sure, I-I appear to be enjoying myself, but that’s because I’m an actress. [ dramatically ] And a dedicated one. An actress who’s known the truth and joy of doing Shakespeare, and Chekov, and Ibsen —
[ costume designer bursts in smoking a cigarette and carrying an oversized tuna fish costume ]
Costume Designer: Miss Danner. Time to get in your tuna fish costume.
Blythe Danner: Won’t you help, please, before it’s too late? Who’s next?
[ fade ]