Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 8: Episode 1
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
September 25nd, 1982
Chevy Chase
Queen
None
John Zacherle
Danny DeVito
Gene Siskel
Roger Ebert
Live From BurbankSummary: Chevy Chase appears via live video to explain that, due to a missed flight, he’ll be hosting SNL from Burbank, California, not New York City. A stagehand then accidentally drops the TV set while wheeling Chevy to his first sketch.
Transcript
Montage
Chevy Chase’s MonologueSummary: Chevy Chase addresses the audience from a damaged video screen.
Transcript
Tyrone GreenSummary: African-American artist Tyrone Green (Eddie Murphy) demonstrates his hatred of white people and the violent nature of his work.
Recurring Characters: Tyrone Green.
Transcript
Joe Piscopo Loves Rose KennedySummary: Joe Piscopo announces that he and Rose Kennedy are in love, and asks Rose to marry him.
John Hinckley For PresidentSummary: Ronald Reagan’s would-be assassin (Brad Hall) announces his presidential candidacy, and a duel platform of familiarity with the judicial system combined with outright insanity.
Transcript
Mystery TheatreSummary: Zacherle presents a brief scene in which the Land Shark (Chevy Chase), via satellite, attempts to gain entry into a woman’s (Julia Louis-Dreyfous) residence.
Recurring Characters: Land Shark.
Popiel Galactic ProphylacticSummary: Ron Popeil (Eddie Murphy) touts his amazing steel-reinforced condom and matching diaphragm.
Transcript
Late Night with David LettermanSummary: David Letterman (Joe Piscopo) presents a film from the perspective of his dog, Bob, and interviews guest Gumby (Eddie Murphy).
Recurring Characters: David Letterman, Gumby.
Saturday Night News with Brad HallSummary: Joe Piscopo reports on sports. Brad Hall delivers an editorial on James Watt, then phones him at home and calls him a slime. Father Andrew B. Titus (Tim Kazurinsky) reviews the Reader’s Digest condensed Bible. Chevy Chase reports from Burbank instead of from Beirut.
Transcript
Queen performs “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”
Alan, A Video JunkieSummary: A profile of an adolescent boy who is destructively addicted to video games.
PTC ClubSummary: Preternaturally cheeful “prophet” April May June (Julia Louis Dreyfus) and a televangelist (Brad Hall) advocate the good word of Jesus, and a faith healer (Gary Kroeger) winds his way through the audience.
Recurring Characters: April May June.
Siskel & EbertSummary: Film critics Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert give their critique of the episode while it’s still in progress.
Transcript
Queen performs “Under Pressure”
GoodnightsTranscript
