Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 8: Episode 1
John Hinckley For President
John Hinckley…..Brad Hall
[open on John Hinckley holding a pillow and sitting against a white stucco wall]
John Hinckley: You know, it’s a crazy world out there. Most Americans are finding it hard just to make sense of it all. In this time of shattered morals, it’s inspirational to see that we can still look up with great pride to that great beacon of the American way: justice for all. Even for a lunatic like me. My name is John Hinckley. [stands and his setting is revealed to be a room in an asylum] On March 30, 1981, I shot the President of the United States and three other people in order to impress a girl. I know that sounds like a terrible thing to do, but I’m completely crazy. I’m insane, and I can’t be held responsible for my actions. Sending a John Hinckley like myself to an institution instead of some wretched prison is the American way. This reaffirmation of the American dream proves that our system works. But only a wacko can see how it works. I am that wacko, and to prove it I am today officially entering the race for the presidency of the United States of America. I winged Reagan in the streets. I’m gonna knock him dead in the polls. And then, my girlfriend Jodie can assume her rightful place as First Lady of this great and powerful nation. I want to be president for Jodie because I’m in love and I’m crazy. Crazy about the United States. Crazy about my girlfriend, Jodie. Crazy about the prsidency. And crazy about you, the American people. You don’t have to wonder what kind of president I’m gonna be. My record speaks for itself. I’ll do anything for love. [bursts into song] Won’t forget / Can’t regret / What I’ll do for love!
[image of John Hinckley becomes smaller and is surrounded by a blue border that is widest on the bottom and on which part appears the title: “John Hinckley for President”]
Voice Over: John Hinckley for President, paid for by people who have their cake and eat it too.
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