SNL Transcripts: Chevy Chase: 09/25/82: Popeil Galactic Prophylactic


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 8: Episode 1

82a: Chevy Chase / Queen

Popeil Galactic Prophylactic

Spokesman…..Eddie Murphy

[ open on Spokesman holding a handful of condom packets ]

Spokesman: Men! How many prophylactics do you use in a year?! Twenty?! Thirty?! Forty?! A hundred?! [ strolls over to product ] Well, you never need buy a prophylactic again, thanks to Popeil’s new Galactic Prophylactic, the prophylactic guaranteed to last you fifty years! Imagine that! Fiifty years!

[ SUPER: “Lasts Fifty Years” ]

Spokesman: It’s more than a contraceptive, it’s a family heirloom!

[ dissolve to Father handing the prophylactic to his son ] [ SUPER: “Demonstration” ]

Spokesman V/O: One you can pass down from father to son!

[ dissolve back to Spokesman ]

Spokesman: How can a prophylactic last for fifty years?! Let’s take a look at Popeil’s exclusive design! [ holds out design ] A layer of rubber! A layer of reinforced steel! And yet another layer of rubber! Isn’t that amazing! and guaranteed for fifty years to not snap, break, or pop! Watch!

[ dissolve to musclemen playing tug-of-war with an unusually stretchy piece of condom ]

Spokesman V/O: These muscle men are stretching the Popeil Galactic Prophylactic a mind-boggling five times its normal length! It will not break! Isn’t that amazing! But, more!

[ dissolve back to Spokesman ] [ Spokesman fires gun at an outstretched product ]

Spokesman: It can stop bullets! Isn’t that amazing! But you want more! Before you answer, before — What would you pay for the Galactic Prophylactic?! Before you answer – we will throw in, at no additional charge, the Dura-Fram Disaphragm! The diaphragm that’s guaranteed to last for fifty years, and take a pounding and keep coming back! Here, we’ve got a woman demonstrating!

[ woman bounces on a trampoline made out of a stretched condom ]

Spokesman V/O: We’ve brought this thing a thousand times its normal size! Doesn’t that look like fun! Isn’t that amazing! Doesn’t it look like great fun to you!

[ dissolve back to Spokesman ]

Spokesman: It can all be yours! The Galactic Prophylactic! The Dura-Fram Diaphragm! Both for only $5.95! These days, it’s hard to stretch money, so why not get rubber that lasts a lifetime?

Announcer: Popeil Galactic Prophylactic. Available at fine hardware and sporting good stores.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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