Mr. & Mrs. Ts Bloody Mary Mix
Mrs. T…..Robin Duke
[FADE IN on a minibar with Mr. T. standing in front and Robin Duke as Mrs. T standing behind the counter. She is wearing a pink sleeveless vest and a bald wig, plus a light orange Mohawk with feathers attached.)
Mrs. T: [hollering in a hoarse voice] Yous meetin me and my husband Mr. T!! You should be drinkin Mr. & Mrs. Ts Bloody Mary Mix!! I pity the fool that doesnt drink it!! I pity the fool!! Aint that right, Mr. T?!
Mr. T: [points and snarls at camera] I pity the fool!
Mrs. T: Now if you want the real Bloody Mary, you come to my apartment tonight, I SHOW you a real Bloody Mary!! You hear?!
Mr. T: [points at her] She showed me!
Mrs. T: [yells at him] Shut it off, old man, and lemme finish!! The strategy for a real bloody Mary is three parts Mr. & Mrs. Ts Bloody Mary Mix, and one part vodka!
[She dumps a bunch of mix into a glass, then dashes in some vodka]
Mrs. T: Then you drink it down!
[She chugs drink and wipes off her mouth]
Mrs. T: Thats MEAN! Now if any man says to me he doesnt want Mr. & Mrs. Ts Bloody Mary Mix, I say to him, SHUT UP, OLD MAN!! SHUT UP!! Then I kill him to death!! I kill the man!! But I pity him first!!! Its a bloody shame! Its Mr. & Mrs. Ts Bloody Mary Mix!!
Mr. T: [pointing and glowering at camera] Buy it, or Ill kill you!
[Mr. and Mrs. T pick up their drinks and smash them together so hard that the tumblers break. Plastic shards and liquid spill on the bar as Mr. and Mrs. T lick Bloody Mary mix off their hands and glare at each other. Mrs. T holds out her hands as if to say, You want a piece of me? FADE OUT.]
Submitted by: Joe Cornfield