SNL Transcripts: Louis Gossett, Jr.: 10/02/82: Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 8: Episode 2

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82b: Louis Gossett, Jr. / George Thoroughgood & The Destroyers

Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix

Mrs. T…..Robin Duke
…..Mr. T

[FADE IN on a minibar with Mr. T. standing in front and Robin Duke as Mrs. T standing behind the counter. She is wearing a pink sleeveless vest and a bald wig, plus a light orange Mohawk with feathers attached.)

Mrs. T: [hollering in a hoarse voice] You’s meetin’ me and my husband Mr. T!! You should be drinkin’ Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix!! I pity the fool that doesn’t drink it!! I pity the fool!! Ain’t that right, Mr. T?!

Mr. T: [points and snarls at camera] I pity the fool!

Mrs. T: Now if you want the real Bloody Mary, you come to my apartment tonight, I SHOW you a real Bloody Mary!! You hear?!

Mr. T: [points at her] She showed me!

Mrs. T: [yells at him] Shut it off, old man, and lemme finish!! The strategy for a real bloody Mary is three parts Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix, and one part vodka!

[She dumps a bunch of mix into a glass, then dashes in some vodka]

Mrs. T: Then you drink it down!

[She chugs drink and wipes off her mouth]

Mrs. T: That’s MEAN! Now if any man says to me he doesn’t want Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix, I say to him, “SHUT UP, OLD MAN!! SHUT UP!!” Then I kill him to death!! I kill the man!! But I pity him first!!! It’s a bloody shame! It’s Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix!!

Mr. T: [pointing and glowering at camera] Buy it, or I’ll kill you!

[Mr. and Mrs. T pick up their drinks and smash them together so hard that the tumblers break. Plastic shards and liquid spill on the bar as Mr. and Mrs. T lick Bloody Mary mix off their hands and glare at each other. Mrs. T holds out her hands as if to say, “You want a piece of me?” FADE OUT.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

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