Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 8: Episode 3
Ron Howard’s Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Ron Howard!
Ron Howard: Thank you! I have really been looking forward to doing the show tonight, because I have spent my entire life.. in prime-time.. being repressed. But this – this is late-night. This is live! This is my time to fly! So what if it’s past my bedtime? I’m up! I’m finally gonna get to say some of the things, and do some of the things, that they’d never let me touch on prime-time televison. For example, here’s something they’d never let me say.. [ pulls index card from out of his pocket ] ..“Doo-doo”. Are we still on the air? Okay, here’s another one.. [ reads ] ..”Premarital Sex”. That’s right – Intercourse“. “Jock Itch”. [ looks at card ] Ah, yeah, here’s another good one: “Prophylactic”.
[ changes subject ]
Another thing, too.. [ pulls can of beer out of pocket ] I drank beer on “Happy Days”, but it was prime-time beer. It was fake beer! You all knew that, right? Well, let me tell you something.. [ pops open can ] ..this is the real stuff! [ chugs beer ] Yeah! [ drinks more ] Yeah, this show has been a real liberating experience! We’ll be right back!