SNL Transcripts: Ron Howard: 10/09/82: Velvet Jones

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 8: Episode 3

82c: Ron Howard / The Clash

Velvet Jones

Velvet Jones…..Eddie Murphy

[ open on oil painting of black couple in an embrace ]

Velvet Jones V/O: Who among us has not dreamed of faraway places and intertwined lovers?

[ dissolve to Velvet Jones standing in front of a stack of paperbacks ]

Velvet Jones: Hi, I’m Velvet Jones. And if you love love as much as I do, I know you will want to buy my latest Velvet Jones Harlequin romance books. There are many exquisite titles to choose from, such as.. [ holds up book titled Velvet Love ] ..Velvet Love. Listen:

[ romantic music plays in the background, as Velvet reads a passage from Velvet Love ]

“When she touched her lips to the glass, Lawanda’s heart beat inside her. I knew from that very first moment that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste.”

[ puts down book, romantic music stops ]

Wasn’t that romantic? But wait, there’s more. Allow me to read from one of my personal favorites:

[ romantic music starts again, Velvet reads from book entitled A Touch of Velvet ]

“I saw her standing at the gates of the Lincoln Tunnel. Dare I approach her? My heart pounded inside my chest. I felt a burning in my loins I had never felt before. Thus, I realized I had been.. [ puts down book and picks up another one, entitled Kicked in the Butt by Love ] ..Kicked in the Butt by Love.

[ romantic music stops ]

Yes, endless evenings of romance can all be yours, if you order now.

Announcer: [ reading directions on screen ] Rush $5.95 to Velvet Jones, Brooklyn, New York.

Velvet Jones: Who wrote the book of love? Velvet. It’s as simple as that.

Submitted by: Tony DuMont

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