SNL Transcripts: Ron Howard: 10/09/82: Velvet Jones

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 8: Episode 3



82c: Ron Howard / The Clash

Velvet Jones

Velvet Jones…..Eddie Murphy

[ open on oil painting of black couple in an embrace ]

Velvet Jones V/O: Who among us has not dreamed of faraway places and intertwined lovers?

[ dissolve to Velvet Jones standing in front of a stack of paperbacks ]

Velvet Jones: Hi, I’m Velvet Jones. And if you love love as much as I do, I know you will want to buy my latest Velvet Jones Harlequin romance books. There are many exquisite titles to choose from, such as.. [ holds up book titled Velvet Love ] ..Velvet Love. Listen:

[ romantic music plays in the background, as Velvet reads a passage from Velvet Love ]

“When she touched her lips to the glass, Lawanda’s heart beat inside her. I knew from that very first moment that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste.”

[ puts down book, romantic music stops ]

Wasn’t that romantic? But wait, there’s more. Allow me to read from one of my personal favorites:

[ romantic music starts again, Velvet reads from book entitled A Touch of Velvet ]

“I saw her standing at the gates of the Lincoln Tunnel. Dare I approach her? My heart pounded inside my chest. I felt a burning in my loins I had never felt before. Thus, I realized I had been.. [ puts down book and picks up another one, entitled Kicked in the Butt by Love ] ..Kicked in the Butt by Love.

[ romantic music stops ]

Yes, endless evenings of romance can all be yours, if you order now.

Announcer: [ reading directions on screen ] Rush $5.95 to Velvet Jones, Brooklyn, New York.

Velvet Jones: Who wrote the book of love? Velvet. It’s as simple as that.

Submitted by: Tony DuMont

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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