SNL Transcripts: Howard Hesseman: 10/23/82: Good Morning America


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 8: Episode 4

82d: Howard Hesseman / Men At Work

Good Morning America

Steve Bell…..Gary Kroeger
David Hartman…..Joe Piscopo

[FADE IN on the “Good Morning America” logo while the theme music plays for several seconds. FADE to Joe Piscopo as host David Hartman. He stares into the camera, with his mouth open slightly, and speaks in a really dopey voice.]

David Hartman: Good morning, good morning, ummmm… Thank you for tuning IN, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… duhhhhhhh, I’m David Hartman, ummmmmm, uhhhhh, good morning, uhhhhhhhhhhhh…

[PAN back to show a female mannequin with blonde hair and a black dress in the chair next to David.]

David Hartman: It’s nice to be here, nice to have you with us, um, uh, this is Joan Lunden, uhhhhhhhhhhh… ummmmmmmmm, Joan, you look great, I don’t know how you do it, uhhh, you just look terrific as usual, uhhhhhhhh…

[David tugs on the mannequin’s dress sleeve and turns back to camera]

David Hartman: You know, ummmmm, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, SO much has happened, uh, while you were asleep. Right now, let’s go to Steve Bell in Washington for the news. [turns to TV monitor] Uh, good morning, Steve!

Steve Bell: Good morning, David.

David Hartman: Good morning!

Steve Bell: Tell Joan good morning, David.

David Hartman: [to mannequin] Good morning, Joan! [to TV] She says good morning, Steve.

Steve Bell: Good morning, David.

David Hartman: Good morning!

Steve Bell: That’s it from Washington, David.

David Hartman: Well, um, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, thank you, Steve Bell!

Steve Bell: Good morning, David.

David Hartman: Good morning, Steve!

Steve Bell: Good morning, Joan!

David Hartman: [to mannqeuin] Good morning, Joan! [to TV] Good morning, Steve.

Steve Bell: Good morning, David.

David Hartman: [to camera] Good morning! It’s ten past the hour. Ummmmm, uhhhhh, you know, I used to be an actor, and uhhh, I don’t usually do this, but because… [shrugs and slaps knees] …mmmmmm, well–so many people went to so much trouble. Someone dug up an old film clip of one of my early movies, and, uh, we thought it’d be funny if we showed you that clip right now!

[David gapes at camera with a dopey look, and then CUT to a clip of Bullwinkle the moose doing a “Mr. Know-It-All” bit from the old “Rocky and Bullwinkle” show. Bullwinkle talks about “How to Tame Lions” for several seconds, and then CUT back to Joe in the studio.]

David Hartman: Awwww, I haven’t changed that much, have I? [“GMA” theme music rises] I thought I looked pretty darn good, I, uh, really did. Now, uh, I want you to get out there and uh, make it a safe, and you know, uh, go out there and make it a good day, a good day. Good morning, good morning.

Steve Bell: [on TV] Good morning, David!

David Hartman: [to TV] Good morning, Steve!

Steve Bell: Good morning!

David Hartman: Good morning!

[FADE to “GMA” logo as audience applauds.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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