SNL Transcripts: Eddie Murphy: 12/11/82: Kensington Dance Theatre For The Blind

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 8: Episode 9

82i: Eddie Murphy / Lionel Richie

Kensington Dance Theatre For The Blind

Husband…..Joe Piscopo
Wife…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Lead Dancer…..Eddie Murphy

[ open on Husband and Wife entering auditorium ]

Husband: I wish I knew what this recital was all about..

Wife: Forget about it. We subscribe, we know they’ve got something good.

Husband: Well, at least we made it, huh?

Wife: Yeah.

[ they sit, as a ballet begins ]

Husband: [ disgusted ] Oh, God.. modern dance.

Wife: Sshh! It’s ballet!

[ the dancers perform very badly, seemingly blind ]

Husband: [ confused ] What the hell is this?! honey, let me see your program for a sec.. [ looks at program ] The Dance Theatre For The Blind??!!

Wife: Honey, please, come on..

[ more awkwardly dancing takes place ]

Husband: Honey, thjis is crazy! We’ve either got to stop this or leave, come on!

Wife: [ enjoying herself ] I like it, it’s interesting! Maybe they’re deaf, too!

[ ballet dancer spins too rough, colliding into an unperturbed audience ]

Husband: [ outraged ] Alright, look! Could we hold it just a second, please? Stop! Stop the music! Could we have your attention! [ music stops ] Uh.. I know you here, the Kensington Dance Theatre For the Blind were kind enough to come here to perform for our community hall.. but we weren’t quite prepared for this. and I think we should just kind of call it a night and go home, okay? Thank you, it was a valient effort! Thank you.

Lead Dancer: [ steps forward ] What?!

Husband: I beg your pardon?

Lead Dancer: What’s the matter, you don’t like the dance?

Husband: No! You know what, I’m a real avid fan of all kinds of dance, but I think what you’re doing is kind of getting out of hand, I’m sure you understand.

Lead Dancer: No, I don’t uderstand, man. We’re a legitimate dance troupe, man, and we’ve been engaged to play your hall, so what’s the problem?

Husband: Well.. I don’t know exactly how to say this.. but, truthfully and honestly, the fact of the matter is.. you people are blind! I think it’s ridiculous – blind dancers. I’m sorry!

Lead Dancer: We ain’t blind!

Husband: Well, you’re the Kensington Dance Theatre For the Blind. Are you not?

Lead Dancer: That’s For the Blind. We’re a dance troupe that performs for blind people. We’re not blind! [ points to the audience ] These people are!

Husband: Oh. Oh..

Lead Dancer: Yeah. And these people enojy what we’re doing. Isn’t that right! [ blind audience cheers, waving their canes in the air ] So, why don’t you sit down and enjoy yourself, and let us finish dancing, okay?

Husband: I’m really very sorry.. I had no idea at all.. but I gotta tell you: you people are terrible!

Lead Dancer: Don’t spoil it for the others.

[ the ballet continues, as Husband returns quietly to his seat ] [ fade to black ]

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