SNL Transcripts: Eddie Murphy: 12/11/82: Kensington Dance Theatre For The Blind


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 8: Episode 9

82i: Eddie Murphy / Lionel Richie

Kensington Dance Theatre For The Blind

Husband…..Joe Piscopo
Wife…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Lead Dancer…..Eddie Murphy

[ open on Husband and Wife entering auditorium ]

Husband: I wish I knew what this recital was all about..

Wife: Forget about it. We subscribe, we know they’ve got something good.

Husband: Well, at least we made it, huh?

Wife: Yeah.

[ they sit, as a ballet begins ]

Husband: [ disgusted ] Oh, God.. modern dance.

Wife: Sshh! It’s ballet!

[ the dancers perform very badly, seemingly blind ]

Husband: [ confused ] What the hell is this?! honey, let me see your program for a sec.. [ looks at program ] The Dance Theatre For The Blind??!!

Wife: Honey, please, come on..

[ more awkwardly dancing takes place ]

Husband: Honey, thjis is crazy! We’ve either got to stop this or leave, come on!

Wife: [ enjoying herself ] I like it, it’s interesting! Maybe they’re deaf, too!

[ ballet dancer spins too rough, colliding into an unperturbed audience ]

Husband: [ outraged ] Alright, look! Could we hold it just a second, please? Stop! Stop the music! Could we have your attention! [ music stops ] Uh.. I know you here, the Kensington Dance Theatre For the Blind were kind enough to come here to perform for our community hall.. but we weren’t quite prepared for this. and I think we should just kind of call it a night and go home, okay? Thank you, it was a valient effort! Thank you.

Lead Dancer: [ steps forward ] What?!

Husband: I beg your pardon?

Lead Dancer: What’s the matter, you don’t like the dance?

Husband: No! You know what, I’m a real avid fan of all kinds of dance, but I think what you’re doing is kind of getting out of hand, I’m sure you understand.

Lead Dancer: No, I don’t uderstand, man. We’re a legitimate dance troupe, man, and we’ve been engaged to play your hall, so what’s the problem?

Husband: Well.. I don’t know exactly how to say this.. but, truthfully and honestly, the fact of the matter is.. you people are blind! I think it’s ridiculous – blind dancers. I’m sorry!

Lead Dancer: We ain’t blind!

Husband: Well, you’re the Kensington Dance Theatre For the Blind. Are you not?

Lead Dancer: That’s For the Blind. We’re a dance troupe that performs for blind people. We’re not blind! [ points to the audience ] These people are!

Husband: Oh. Oh..

Lead Dancer: Yeah. And these people enojy what we’re doing. Isn’t that right! [ blind audience cheers, waving their canes in the air ] So, why don’t you sit down and enjoy yourself, and let us finish dancing, okay?

Husband: I’m really very sorry.. I had no idea at all.. but I gotta tell you: you people are terrible!

Lead Dancer: Don’t spoil it for the others.

[ the ballet continues, as Husband returns quietly to his seat ] [ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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