SNL Transcripts: Susan St. James: 04/16/83: Our Generation


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 8: Episode 18

82r: Susan St. James / Michael McDonald

Our Generation

Mother…..Susan Saint James
Eugene Beakman…..Gary Kroeger
Father…..Joe Piscopo
Buddy…..Brad Hall
Leslie…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Lottery Spokesman…..Tim Kazurinsky

[Eugene is lounging in a chair in a living room, bored and listless]

Mother: Eugene, why don’t you go out and look for a job today?

Eugene: Nah. I don’t feel like doing much of anything.

Mother: Well, then, why don’t you go clean up your room?

Eugene: Nah.

Mother: Eugene, would like to sell your mother’s jewelry and buy yourself an expensive sports car?

Eugene: Nah.

Mother: Then do nothing, you good-for-nothing bum! All you ever do is sit around the house all day. You’re no son of mine. Look at your brother Frank: he’s twenty-nine years old and he has his own law firm. You’re twenty-six year old and you’re still living at home. It’s time for you to move out!

Eugene: Nah.

Father: Eunice, where’s the morning paper?

Mother: Look at your son, Harvey. He’s a good-for-nothing bum. He just sits around the house all day.

Father: Oh, hey, hey, hey. What’s the matter, sport? How’d you like to go outside and play some ball with the old man, huh?

Eugene: Nah.

Father: Well, you wanna go upstairs and help me put in the screen windows? I need some help, you know.

Eugene: Nah.

Father: I know; I know what you’d like. How’d you like a thousand dollars to go out and buy the best darn drum set around, huh? Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Eugene: Nah.

Father: Well, you go straight to Hell, you little bum. Your mother’s right; you’re nothing but a bum. Why can’t you be more like your sister? She’s half your age and already a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford. Why don’t you just go crawl in a hole and die somewhere?

Eugene: Nah.

[Doorbell rings. Mother lets in Buddy and Leslie]

Mother: Hi.

Buddy: Hi, Ms. Beakman. Is Eugie here? Oh, hey, Eugie, how you doin’, man? You wanna go out and have some fun with your buddy?

Eugene: Nah.

Buddy: Well uh, Les and I are gonna go to the Cubs game. We got an extra ticket; how ‘bout it? Huh?

Eugene: Nah.

Leslie: Awe, come on, Eugie. I’ll make non-stop love to you in the car on the way.

Eugene: Nah.

Leslie: Aw, you can go to Hell, Eugie.

Buddy: Yeah, Eugie, you’re a good-for-nothing. You’re a human waste.

Leslie: Why don’t you just go suck an egg?

Eugene: Nah.

Leslie: I’m getting out of here, Eugie.

Buddy: Yeah, me too. See ya.

[Lottery Spokesman is at door when they open it to leave]

Lottery Spokesman: Is this the home of Mr. Eugene Beakman?

Leslie: Oh, yeah, he’s right over there.

Lottery Spokesman: Well, Mr. Beakman, you are the winner of the Sunset House Golden 50th Anniversary Sweepstakes. You’ve just won one million dollars! That’s a thousand dollars a year for the rest of your life, every year.

Buddy: Oh my God! Eugie, way to go, buddy!

Leslie: Eugie, that is…

Lottery Spokesman: You will never have to work another day in your life. All you have to do is sign here.

Eugene: Nah.

Lottery Spokesman: Well, I need your signature to verify that you’ve won.

Eugene: Nah.

Lottery Spokesman: If you don’t sign this, I can’t give you the money.

Eugene: Nah.

Buddy: Come on, Eugie, get it together. Come on, man!

Lottery Spokesman: Oh, Mr. Beakman, don’t be an idiot! This is – this is a million dollars! You’ll never have to work another day in your life!

Eugene: [pauses for thought] Nah.

Lottery Spokesman: You’re the luckiest man alive! You’ve won…

Buddy: Come on, Eugie, get it together, man!

Leslie: Come on, wake up, Eugie.

Eugene: Nah.

Buddy: Eugie!

Leslie: Eugie!

Lottery Spokesman: Mr. Beakman!

[Eugene starts to exit]

Father: Eugene, come to your senses, son. What are you doin’?

Mother: Eugene, where are you going?

Eugene: Mmm. Thought I’d go upstairs… diddle with my fiddle.

Submitted by: Melissa Snyder

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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