Barbra Streisand…..Joe Piscopo
[ open on the back of Barbra Streisand ]
Announcer: A motion picture event. She wrote it, she directed it, she produced it, she stars in it. Barbra Streisand is “Mentl”.[ turns around to revela Barbra from the front ]
Barbra Streisand: I wrote it! I wrote it, I directed it, I produced it, I starred in it! I played a boy, I played a girl playing a boy! I can do anything! So Dustin Hoffman did “Tootsie”, so what already? I’ve had the idea for five years! I worked hard, I slaved. I don’t need the rights to a musical, I could have done it myself! I don’t need anybody! I don’t need Elliot Gould! I don’t need Jon Peters, I do my own hair! I curl it, I wash it, I comb it, I can do anything! I’m a nice Jewish girl! I studied the Old Testement, I studied the Kabala, I am a nice Jewish girl, what’s so wrong about that!
Announcer: Barbra Streisand. An epic motion picture. Oy, is she “Mentl”!
Barbra Streisand: [ rambles on ] I’m keeping the ranch in Malibu, so who needs Ryan O’Neal? I don’t understand him..!