Know Your Neighbor


Know Your Neighbor

Bob McCarthy…..Jim Belushi
Marcy Ackerman…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus


Bob McCarthy: Hi. I’m Bob McCarthy, and welcome to “Know Your Neighbor”. This week, our Jewish viewers are celebrating Hanukkah. I hope I pronounced that right.

Marcy Ackerman: Yes. you did.

Bob McCarthy: Here to tell us a little more about the holiday is Marcy Ackerman, who’s Vice-President of the local Jewish Woman’s League. Welcome to the show, Marcy.

Marcy Ackerman: Thank you.

Bob McCarthy: So.. Hanukkah. Is sort of like your Christmas, is that it?

Marcy Ackerman: Well, no, actually, they fall at the same time, but, um.. really they’re quite different. If, uh..

Bob McCarthy: So, what you’re saying is.. do you have, like, a tree, or what?

Marcy Ackerman: Oh, no, no, no, no. We call Hanukkah the Festival of Lights.

Bob McCarthy: Right.

Marcy Ackerman: And we celebrate it by lighting a candle every night for eight nights.

Bob McCarthy: I see.

Marcy Ackerman: Now, uh.. the first candle is called the Shama.

Bob McCarthy: Wait. The Shama. Is that right?

Marcy Ackerman: Shamas, that’s right. And the candles are placed in holders just like this. And the holder is called the menorah.

Bob McCarthy: Wait a minute, now.. a menorah?

Marcy Ackerman: Yes.

Bob McCarthy: Hank, you getting a close-up of the menorah? [ laughs ] Menorah! Go ahead.

Marcy Ackerman: Mr. McCarthy, there’s nothing really funny about this.

Bob McCarthy: I’m sorry, honey, I was just thinking about something else.

Marcy Ackerman: Oh, okay.

Bob McCarthy: Boy, this is very fascinating!

Marcy Ackerman: Oh, thank you.. um.. in some Jewish households, it’s traditional to give the children Hanukah gelts.

Bob McCarthy: Gelts?

Marcy Ackerman: Right. Hanukkah gelts. Which is money.

Bob McCarthy: [ laughs ] Well, there’s a big surprise! Jewish kids getting money! [ laughs ] Blow me over with a feather! [ laughs ]

Marcy Ackerman: Well, actually, um.. Hanukah celebrates a major military victory.

Bob McCarthy: Yeah, okay.

Marcy Ackerman: In 165 B.C., a great Jewish leader named Judah Macabe was..

Bob McCarthy: [ does a spittake ] Wait a minute! Judah Macabe?!

Marcy Ackerman: Yeah.

Bob McCarthy: No, really, that’s his name? Judah Macabe?! Where does he come from, McDonaldLand or something? [ looks offstage ] What do you mean? I’m not being offensive, come on, we’re just talking here! [ to Marcy ] Go ahead.

Marcy Ackerman: Um.. well, anyway..

Bob McCarthy: This is really fascinating, really.

Marcy Ackerman: Well, anyway.. when they got to the temple, there was only enough oil in the lamp to last for one day..

Bob McCarthy: Mmm-hmm..

Marcy Ackerman: ..but the oil lasted for eight days..

Bob McCarthy: Ooohh!

Marcy Ackerman: And, uh.. that’s the miracle of Hanukkah.

Bob McCarthy: What?! That’s the miracle?! I mean, the oil lasted for eight days?! [ laughs ] Come on, you’re kidding me, right?!

Marcy Ackerman: No..

Bob McCarthy: [ laughs ] Boy, that’s the wimpiest miracle I’ve ever heard in my life! [ looks offstage ] Come on, I’m not being disrepestful, we’re just talking! [ to Marcy ] Come on, come on, come on. Now, you call that a miracle, Marcy?

Marcy Ackerman: Yeah, I..

Bob McCarthy: Look, Marcy, let me ask you a question, alright? Suppose I’m driving down the New Jersey Turnpike, right? My gas gauge is on empty, but I make it 40 miles to the Exxon station, okay? Can I get an eight-day holiday for that?

Marcy Ackerman: [ upset ] Mr. McCarthy..!

Bob McCarthy: Are you gonna say, “Oh, that’s a miracle! The miracle of the gas gauge!” [ laughs ] Come on, can I be frank here? You know what gets me about you Hebrews..?

[ cut abruptly to logo ] [ cut back to set with Stagehand sitting in for Bob McCarthy ]

Stagehand: Uh.. Bob McCarthy was called away suddenly. I guess that’s all for tonight.. so.. goodnight.

[ dissolve to logo, fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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