Know Your Neighbor

Know Your Neighbor

Bob McCarthy…..Jim Belushi
Marcy Ackerman…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Bob McCarthy: Hi. I’m Bob McCarthy, and welcome to “Know Your Neighbor”. This week, our Jewish viewers are celebrating Hanukkah. I hope I pronounced that right.

Marcy Ackerman: Yes. you did.

Bob McCarthy: Here to tell us a little more about the holiday is Marcy Ackerman, who’s Vice-President of the local Jewish Woman’s League. Welcome to the show, Marcy.

Marcy Ackerman: Thank you.

Bob McCarthy: So.. Hanukkah. Is sort of like your Christmas, is that it?

Marcy Ackerman: Well, no, actually, they fall at the same time, but, um.. really they’re quite different. If, uh..

Bob McCarthy: So, what you’re saying is.. do you have, like, a tree, or what?

Marcy Ackerman: Oh, no, no, no, no. We call Hanukkah the Festival of Lights.

Bob McCarthy: Right.

Marcy Ackerman: And we celebrate it by lighting a candle every night for eight nights.

Bob McCarthy: I see.

Marcy Ackerman: Now, uh.. the first candle is called the Shama.

Bob McCarthy: Wait. The Shama. Is that right?

Marcy Ackerman: Shamas, that’s right. And the candles are placed in holders just like this. And the holder is called the menorah.

Bob McCarthy: Wait a minute, now.. a menorah?

Marcy Ackerman: Yes.

Bob McCarthy: Hank, you getting a close-up of the menorah? [ laughs ] Menorah! Go ahead.

Marcy Ackerman: Mr. McCarthy, there’s nothing really funny about this.

Bob McCarthy: I’m sorry, honey, I was just thinking about something else.

Marcy Ackerman: Oh, okay.

Bob McCarthy: Boy, this is very fascinating!

Marcy Ackerman: Oh, thank you.. um.. in some Jewish households, it’s traditional to give the children Hanukah gelts.

Bob McCarthy: Gelts?

Marcy Ackerman: Right. Hanukkah gelts. Which is money.

Bob McCarthy: [ laughs ] Well, there’s a big surprise! Jewish kids getting money! [ laughs ] Blow me over with a feather! [ laughs ]

Marcy Ackerman: Well, actually, um.. Hanukah celebrates a major military victory.

Bob McCarthy: Yeah, okay.

Marcy Ackerman: In 165 B.C., a great Jewish leader named Judah Macabe was..

Bob McCarthy: [ does a spittake ] Wait a minute! Judah Macabe?!

Marcy Ackerman: Yeah.

Bob McCarthy: No, really, that’s his name? Judah Macabe?! Where does he come from, McDonaldLand or something? [ looks offstage ] What do you mean? I’m not being offensive, come on, we’re just talking here! [ to Marcy ] Go ahead.

Marcy Ackerman: Um.. well, anyway..

Bob McCarthy: This is really fascinating, really.

Marcy Ackerman: Well, anyway.. when they got to the temple, there was only enough oil in the lamp to last for one day..

Bob McCarthy: Mmm-hmm..

Marcy Ackerman: ..but the oil lasted for eight days..

Bob McCarthy: Ooohh!

Marcy Ackerman: And, uh.. that’s the miracle of Hanukkah.

Bob McCarthy: What?! That’s the miracle?! I mean, the oil lasted for eight days?! [ laughs ] Come on, you’re kidding me, right?!

Marcy Ackerman: No..

Bob McCarthy: [ laughs ] Boy, that’s the wimpiest miracle I’ve ever heard in my life! [ looks offstage ] Come on, I’m not being disrepestful, we’re just talking! [ to Marcy ] Come on, come on, come on. Now, you call that a miracle, Marcy?

Marcy Ackerman: Yeah, I..

Bob McCarthy: Look, Marcy, let me ask you a question, alright? Suppose I’m driving down the New Jersey Turnpike, right? My gas gauge is on empty, but I make it 40 miles to the Exxon station, okay? Can I get an eight-day holiday for that?

Marcy Ackerman: [ upset ] Mr. McCarthy..!

Bob McCarthy: Are you gonna say, “Oh, that’s a miracle! The miracle of the gas gauge!” [ laughs ] Come on, can I be frank here? You know what gets me about you Hebrews..?

[ cut abruptly to logo ] [ cut back to set with Stagehand sitting in for Bob McCarthy ]

Stagehand: Uh.. Bob McCarthy was called away suddenly. I guess that’s all for tonight.. so.. goodnight.

[ dissolve to logo, fade ]

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