Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 9: Episode 8
Flip Wilson’s Monologue
Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen, Flip Wilson!
[ Flip takes center stage, bowing and eliciting more applause from the audience. ]
Flip Wilson: Woo! Thank you! Okay … okay … oh … thank you very much. Thank you very much, and welcome! We’re gonna have a good time here tonight. This is my, this is my birthday and Christmas present to you! [ more applause ] We’re gonna have a GOOD TIME! Good time! [ waits for the applause to die down, then talks to someone off-camera ] Hey … uh … I think we’ve used up almost all of my monologue time in applause, therefore if we could just — hey, hey, I’m gonna do some of that disc — you know, the humor? The stories that the uh, censor told me I couldn’t do? … I’m gonna do ’em. [ more cheers ] I’m just gonna do — I’m just gonna do one! Well — we’re live, and I know he’s not gonna come out here and snatch me off! Besides, I’m do — well, this is a story I call, discontinued humor. I stopped doing it out of respect to all my Polish friends. ‘Cause I got a lot of Polish friends who’re tired of hearing those Polish stories, and uh, one of the guys even went to the extent of saying to himself that he was gonna develop an Italian accent and change his name, so people would think he was Italian, then he wouldn’t have to hear those Polish stories. And he worked on it about six months. He had it down pretty good, and he was ready to try it out one day, and he goes into a little shop, and he says to the proprietor, “Sir, my name-a Tony. Sir, I wanna buy some mozzarella, some-a rigatoni and-a some scungilli.” And the proprietor said, “You’re Polish, aren’t you?” The fella said, “Yeah, how’d you know?” The guy said, “Because this is a hardware store.” [ chuckles ] We’ll be right back!
[ Applause, fade out ]
Submitted by: G. Gomez