Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 9: Episode 8
Older Sisters of the Young
Mary Tyler Moore…..Mary Gross
[ Open on Mary Tyler Moore sitting in an armchair in a study. ]
Mary Tyler Moore: [ sing-songy voice ] Hi! I’m Mary Tyler Moore. You know, Christmas is a time for the very young. A time to think about those kids who really need someone to love them, and give them a home. So I myself have just adopted one of these children. For eight years, he was shuttled from hospital to hospital, never knowing a good night’s sleep or a decent meal.
[ A young man sits by her side. She gives a glance, then faces the camera again ]
Mary Tyler Moore: Yes, Richard was in medical school. And like thousands of other attractive young doctors, he desperately needed the guiding hand of a mature, experienced woman. I adopted this unfortunate, muscular young man, and I haven’t regretted it for a minute! And for just a few hundred thousand dollars a year, you can support one of these poor, vigorous young bucks, and enjoy all his love, warmth and boundless physical endurance. So, if you’re between the ages of 35 and … whatever …
[ An address is displayed ]
Mary Tyler Moore: … write to Older Sisters of the Young, Post Office Box 52, Beverly Hills, California. Boy, a young body is a terrible thing to waste.
[ fade ]
Submitted by: G. Gomez