Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 9: Episode 11
Ronco’s Amazing TV President
President Ronald Reagan…..Joe Piscopo
[ Open on Ronald Reagan in the Oval Office, addressing the nation. ]
President Ronald Reagan: My fellow Americans, as you know, in just a few hours I’m going to announce my candidacy for re-election. I feel that I can proudly take credit for ending inflation and stimulating our nation’s economic recovery. Yes, thanks to our increases in military defense, Americans can now sleep more soundly at night than they could four years ago. What is this new prosperity and peace of mind worth? Don’t answer, because if you vote for me again in 1984, you’ll receive this handsome set of Ginsu steak knives! [ displays a knife set, then uses one of them on a cutting board ] Yes, you’ll be able to slice an onion without shedding a tear, just like I’m doing right now. Or protect yourself against the red menace! [ makes stabbing gestures ] Now, how much would you pay? But wait, there’s more! If you act now, you’ll also receive a brand new land-based missile system! And, this deck of TV Magic cards! [ holds it up ] Now you can amaze your friends and defend your country’s shores at the same time. Yes, you’ll receive all this, the economic recovery, the Ginsu knives, the Magic cards, and the land-based missile system! Thousands sold in Europe already! The amazing TV President, from Ronco! It’s new! It’s exciting! It’s Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!
Submitted by: G. Gomez