Mime Roommate

Mime Roommate

Tim…..Brad Hall
Rene…..Robin Williams
Voice of Deborah…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Neighbors…..Gary Kroeger, Mary Gross


[ open on dark apartment, as Tim opens the door and sticks his head inside ]

Tim: Rene? Rene, you up? [ satisfied that he’s home alone for the evening ] Good.

[ Tim turns on the lights, and whistles as Rene pokes his head up from berhind the couch and follows him across the room, mimicking Tim’s actions as he pours himself a drink ]

Tim: Rene! Rene, I asked you not to do that any more, okay, Rene?

[ Rene contionues, patting Tim’s shoulder ]

Tim: Rene! Rene! Please! Rene, I’m not in a good mood, alright?

[ Rene mimes playing the violin ]

Tim: No. Rene, I’m actually in a very bad mood!

[ Rene makes a sad face, to Tim’s disgust ]

Tim: Rene, I got fired today! Alright? [ sits on the couch ] I go straight over to see Deborah. I even took her some flowers. Well, we got into a huge fight —

[ Rene mimes a fencing move ]

Tim: No! No! Rene, please stop horsing around, will ya’, please?

[ Rene prances around the room like a horse ]

Tim: Rene, cut it out!

[ Rene walks over to the television, and touches the knob ]

Tim: No! No, I don’t want to watch television! I haven’t wanted to watch television since you disconnected the sound, Rene. No, Rene, please! Listen. Rene. Did Deborah call here tonight? [ Rene shrugs ] Did she? [ Rene shrugs again ] I’m sorry, I have to go to the bathroom, alright? Will you excuse me? Thanks.

[ Tim walks across the room, as Rene follows in a mimicking fashion ]

Tim: By myself!

[ Tim exits to the bathroom. Rene sits on the couch and picks up the newspaper. Forgetting himself, he drops the newspaper, then mimes reading an invisible newspaper. ] [ the phone rings ]

Voice of Tim: If that’s Deborah, don’t let her hang up!

[ Rene answers the phone, not saying a word ]

Voice of Deborah: Tim, it’s Deborah. Now, please, just listen to me. All I want to say is.. I’m sorry.

[ Rene is silent, but makes faces at the phone ]

Voice of Deborah: Oh, come on! I said I’m sorry! The least you can do is accept my apology!

[ Rene is silent, but makes faces at the phone ]

Voice of Deborah: Alright, fine! Well, if you’re going to be a baby, then I guess we are through!

[ Tim comes running back into the room ]

Tim: Give it to me! Give me the phone! [ Rene won’t let go ] Come on! Please! Rene! Come on! [ grabs the phone loose ] Hello! Hello!

[ the dial tone sounds ]

Tim: Who was it, Rene? [ Rene shrugs ] Rene, Rene! Who was that?! Was that Deborah? [ Rene points to his own face ] Rene! [ grabs Rene’s shoulders ] I hate you, Rene! I hate mimes! Everybody hates mimes, Rene! Do you understand me?! [ Rene pats at Tim’s chest ] You’re not even a good mime, Rene! [ grabs Rene by the throat ] Rene! Rene, I could kill you! You hear me? I could kill you, and I could get away with it, because nobody would hear your screams, Rene!

[ Tim tosses Rene back and forth by the neck, then releases his grip. Rene continues to mime being tossed about. ]

Tim: Rene! I gotta get a grip on myself! I need some air – excuse me, Rene!

[ Tim prepares to open the window, as Rene mimes walking against the wind ]

Tim: No! Stop it! Stop it! Not the walking against the wind – just stop it, Rene! It is my fault! I never should have moved in here, no matter how broke I was! I never should have moved in here! living with you, it’s driving me crazy!!

[ Tim throws his arms around wildly in frustration, which Rene mirrors exactly ]

Tim: No! Rene! Not the mirror, please! Rene! Not the mirror! Rene, I hate the mirror! God!

[ frustrated, Tim pulls a gun out of a desk drawer and points it at Rene ]

Tim: You! Because of you, my life is going nowhere, Rene! I’m warning you! Rene, I’m at the end of my rope!

[ Rene mimes playing tug-of-war with a rope ]

Tim: Rene! No!

[ neighbors begin to pound on the door, concerned by the commotion coming from within ]

Voice of Neighbors: Hey!! What’s going on in there?!

Tim: This miming! It’s a sickness! It’s a disease, Rene! God, I feel like I’m talking to a wall!!

[ Rene mimes moving his hands up a glass wall ]

Tim: No! Not the wall, Rene! Please! Rene! Don’t! Aaaaggghhhh!!!

[ Tim finally shoots Rene ]

Rene: God, man.. how real!

[ Rene collapses onto the couch, as the neighbors come bursting through the door ]

Male Neighbor: What was that? Oh, my God! What happened?

Tim: [ shocked by the result of his frustration ] I.. I killed a mime.

[ a beat ]

Neighbors: [ thrilled ] Alright!! Hey, buddy!!

[ the neighbors crowd around to pay achievement to Tim’s victory ] [ zoom out to fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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