SNL Transcripts: Billy Crystal: 03/17/84

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 9: Episode 15

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


February 25th, 1984

Billy Crystal

Al Jarreau


Andy Breckman

Ed Koch

Clint Smith

Yvonne Hudson
St. Patrick’s Day Wrap-UpSummary: A confused Siobhan Cahill (Mary Gross) reports from a Purim celebration instead of the St. Patrick’s Day celebration she’d intended.

Recurring Characters: Siobhan Cahill, Father Timothy Owens.


Bill Crystal’s MonologueSummary: Billy Crystal performs stand-up about dating as a teenager.

Hung Like MeRecurring Characters: Pee Wee Herman.

Winston UniversitySummary: The recruiter (Billy Crystal) for Winston University lets a high school class in on a secret, but, if they tell anyone about it, he will track them down and kill them.


Family in the AtticSummary: A Swiss couple (Tim Kazurinsky, Robin Duke) suddenly remember that they never set a group of WWII refugees free after the war ended.

Note: This sketch was pre-filmed to accomodate Eddie Murphy’s movie schedule.

Sammy & ronald ReaganSummary: President Ronald Reagan (Joe Piscopo) asks Sammy Davis, Jr. (Billy Crystal) to publicly hug his opponents as a measure to guarantee his re-election.

Recurring Characters: President Ronald Reagan, Sammy Davis, Jr.

Unanswered Questions of the UniverseRecurring Characters: Havnagootiim Vishnuuerheer.

Bad Career MovesSummary: Fred Kaz (Jim Belushi) interviews Hervé Villechaize (Billy Crystal), who recently quit “Fantasy Island” in pursuit of more money.


Saturday Night NewsSummary: Recurring Characters: Fernando.

Al Jarreau performs “Mornin'”

God’s PlaceRecurring Characters: John F. Kennedy, Babe Ruth, Charlie Chaplin.

The Womb

Al Jarreau performs “Trouble in Paradise”

Billy Crystal’s SNL StorySummary: Billy Crystal tells the audience about his stand-up performance that was cut from the very first of episode of “Saturday Night Live”, but time runs out once more before he can perform it.



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