Tippi Turtle


Tippi Turtle

Jingle: “Hey, Tippi Turtle, coming down the street
Tell us what you’re gonna do!”

Tippi Turtle: “First, I’m gonna bother everybody I meet
Then, I’ll probably go home and get drunk.”

Jingle: Hey, Tippi Turtle!
Hey, hey, Tippi Turtle!”

[ Tippi Turtle walks down the street ]

Tippi Turtle: Hi, everybody! Well, enough small talk – we’ve got people to annoy! Today, we’re gonna bother these guys – the hammerheads at the U.S. Post Office. Hee hee hee! Now, pay attention.

[ Tippi demonstrates in his home workshop ]

Get some real thin balsa wood, and glue it together like this. See? You make a little box! Then, you take a helium balloon and you put it inside like this. Then, wrap it up and address it! Take it downtown.

[ show Tippi Turtle standing in line at the Post Office ]

Hee hee hee! This is gonna be great! [ jumps excitedly ]

Postal Employee: Next.

Tippi Turtle: Yes. Good afternoon, Mr. United States Post Office Man. Now, you charge according to weight, is that correct?

Postal Employee: Yeah, yeah, yeah, just put it on the scale.

Tippi Turtle: Okee-dokee! [ places his box on the scale, but it floats upward ] Looks like you owe me some money, hammerhead!

Postal Employee: [ grabs box from midair, places it down again ] I don’t know.. [ box floats away again ]

Tippi Turtle: [ bangs counter ] Are you gonna pay up, or not? Iwant my money! Fair is fair! [ leans close to the camera to whisper to the audience ] Be real obnoxious. Keep demanding money. Bother as many people as you can! [ leans back into the cartoon ] I want my money! Fair is fair!

[ a fight ensues, Tippi casually walks away ]

Tippi Turtle: Hee hee hee! Now, that’s entertainment!Goodbye, everybody! See you next time!

Jingle: “Hey, Tippi Turtle!”

[ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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