Refrigerator Magnets

Refrigerator Magnets

Mother…..Mary Gross
Doctor…..Rich Hall

[ open on Mother in the kitchen, as little Billy approaches ]

Mother V/O: I’ll never forget the day little Billy came home with stomach pains..

Billy: Mommy..? I have a stomachache..

Mother V/O: At first, nothing seemed unusual – he wasn’t running a temperature. But then I noticed an unusual accumulation of metal objects around Billy’s midsection. That’s when I realized little Billy had been eating.. refrigerator magnets.

[ show Billy being wheeled into the hospital, as a Doctor approaches the camera ]

Doctor: You know, every seven minutes a child is wheeled into the hospital after eating too many refrigerator magnets – those little doodads that resemble cookies and candies and fruits. Sometimes Junior can’t tell them from the real thing. The results.. [ pulls a license plate loose from Billy’s stomach ] ..can be tragic.

[ show Billy on the operating table, as the magnet in his stomach pulls some sharp medical tools toward his abdomen ]

Doctor V/O: Last year, surgeons performed over 9,000 emergency magnectomies. This year, the rate will be even higher.

Doctor: Now, if you suspect that your child is eating magnets, look for these warning signs:

A. Mild stomach pains.

B. An annoying tendancy to point to the north.

C. An unusual attraction to large metal objects.

[ Billy is pulled onto the side of a large rental truck ]

Put magnets behind the fridge, where kids can’t reach them.

Announcer: [ over SUPER ] This message has been brought to you by the REFRIGERATOR MAGNET SAFETY ADVISORY BOARD.

SNL Transcripts

Notify of