Strategic Airborne Contraceptive

Strategic Airborne Contraceptive

Woman…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Man…..Gary Kroeger

Announcer: America’s distant early warning system. Created by Norad, it can detect and destroy enemy invaders long before they invade our airspace. And now, you can get the same high-technology protection.. in a contraceptive.

Woman: It’s new SAC – the Strategic Airborne Contraceptive. Designed by a team of eminent NORAD gynecologists, SAC uses a new heat-seeking process to destroy invaders before they violate your personal airspace. Here’s how it works.

Announcer: As soon as your SAC early-distant warning system detects potential foreign intruders.. [ lights go out, as the SAC lights up in the Woman’s crotch, sounding sirens ] i assesses the threat.. [ “INTRUDER ALERT, sperm count: 217,389,568,912.3, velocity: 375 I.P.S., viscosity: HIGH, *INCOMING*” ] ..pinpoints the enemy.. [ sperm show up on the radar screen ] ..locks on target, and destroys them with millions of microscopic surface-to-air missiles. [ sperm disappear from the radar ] In just seconds, you’ve completely closed your window of vulnerability.

Man: So, do you want to hit the sack?

Woman: [ holds up SAC behind his back ] I already did!

Announcer: New SAC – the Strategic Airborne Contraceptive. Also in new heavy-duty ICUD model. From Norad.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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