Strategic Airborne Contraceptive
Woman…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Man…..Gary Kroeger
Announcer: America’s distant early warning system. Created by Norad, it can detect and destroy enemy invaders long before they invade our airspace. And now, you can get the same high-technology protection.. in a contraceptive.
Woman: It’s new SAC – the Strategic Airborne Contraceptive. Designed by a team of eminent NORAD gynecologists, SAC uses a new heat-seeking process to destroy invaders before they violate your personal airspace. Here’s how it works.
Announcer: As soon as your SAC early-distant warning system detects potential foreign intruders.. [ lights go out, as the SAC lights up in the Woman’s crotch, sounding sirens ] i assesses the threat.. [ “INTRUDER ALERT, sperm count: 217,389,568,912.3, velocity: 375 I.P.S., viscosity: HIGH, *INCOMING*” ] ..pinpoints the enemy.. [ sperm show up on the radar screen ] ..locks on target, and destroys them with millions of microscopic surface-to-air missiles. [ sperm disappear from the radar ] In just seconds, you’ve completely closed your window of vulnerability.
Man: So, do you want to hit the sack?
Woman: [ holds up SAC behind his back ] I already did!
Announcer: New SAC – the Strategic Airborne Contraceptive. Also in new heavy-duty ICUD model. From Norad.
