Peter Pan, the Later Years


Peter Pan, the Later Years

Peter Pan … Ed Asner
Wendy … Mary Gross

[A darkened bedroom in the middle of the night. Geneand Wendy, a husband and wife, are asleep in bed. Ahand reaches in and shakes Wendy’s shoulder.]

Peter Pan: Wendy! Wendy?

Wendy: [awakes with a start] What areyou–?!

Peter Pan: [covers her mouth] Don’t scream.It’s me, Peter.

[Wendy stares in disbelief at Peter — he’s a fat,balding, middle-aged man in a goofy green Peter Pancostume.]

Wendy: You can have all my money. Please, don’thurt me.

Peter Pan: Hurt you? Wendy, I know it’s been along time but it’s me, Peter. [stands proud, hands onhips] Peter Pan.

Wendy: Look at you! You can’t be Peter.

Peter Pan: Can be and is. Oh, I know I’ve gonethrough some heavy changes. But, oh, Wendy, I’vemissed you so much.

Wendy: I’m going to call the police.

[Wendy gets out from under the bedcovers and picks upa phone on a nearby night stand. A harp strikes achord as Peter stands at the open bedroom window and,with a grand gesture, sings to the stars.]

Peter Pan: [sings] There is a place wheredreams are born … And Time is neverplanned.

[Wendy, who has turned on the lights during this,finally recognizes him. She hangs up the phone, risesand happily joins him.]

Wendy: Oh, my God! Peter! [they hug warmly] Oh!But you got older! I thought you were never going togrow up.

Peter Pan: Oh, I know. It’s wild, isn’t it?When it first started to happen to me, I got REALupset. I thought, this can’t be happening to me. Then,Tinkerbell died.

Wendy: Tinkerbell is dead?

Peter Pan: Yeah. Five years ago. It wasawful.

[Peter and Wendy cross to the end of the bed and sittogether.]

Wendy: Captain Hook got her.

Peter Pan: No, no, no! It was natural causes,they said. But I’m not so sure. The last few days, shewas REAL depressed. After, I got depressed. And when Iget depressed, I start to eat. So, five years later,here I am — barely able to fly and so fat I show upon radar screens.

Wendy: Oh, Peter!

[Wendy puts her head on Peter’s shoulder. Behind them,Wendy’s husband Gene grunts and tosses in his sleep.Peter and Wendy look back at Gene but he keeps onsleeping.]

Peter Pan: Your husband?

Wendy: [nods] Second marriage.

Peter Pan: Oh. I’m sorry. What happened to thefirst one?

Wendy: He got tired of hearing aboutyou.

Peter Pan: Awwww ….

Wendy: This is Gene. He sells wallpaper. [Peterwaves halfheartedly at Gene] We’re -comfortable.

Peter Pan: Mmm? Yeah. Well, well, uh, whatabout the boys? Uh, how are – how are John and littleMichael?

Wendy: Well, John is Japan.

Peter Pan: Oh, good, good.

Wendy: And he’s stationed there with theNavy.

Peter Pan: Mm hm, mm hm.

Wendy: Michael, uh, he left home when he wasabout seventeen or so.

Peter Pan: Oh?

Wendy: We don’t know where he is. But he sendsus a card every Christmas just to let us know he’sokay.

Peter Pan: Why’d he leave?

Wendy: He was looking for you.

Peter Pan: Oh, no! Not another one! That’s allI’ve ever heard! [rises, upset] “He left home lookingfor you.” “This one was jumping off a roof, thinkinghe could fly.” The guilt! I couldn’t take it any moreso I gave everything up.

Wendy: What do you mean?

Peter Pan: I mean, when Tiger Lily started tolook different to me, I knew it was time to grow up.[sits next to Wendy, sadly]

Wendy: Peter? What do you want from me?

Peter Pan: Well, I’m not sure. Wendy, I alwaystold you I was coming back, some day, but I was alsoshy and then I started to lose my hair. And I gained afew. And I didn’t wanna see, you know, have you see melooking like this.

Wendy: Oh, Peter! How could you ever think thatway? You were my hero.

Peter Pan: Well–

Wendy: I loved you.

Peter Pan: Ha ha. I know that NOW. But, backthen, I only know I started to feel something but Iwasn’t sure what it was. And when you’re a little boy,you’re never sure of anything. It took me YEARS ofanalysis to realize that I love you, too, Wendy. And,uh, so today, after work, I had a few belts and Idecided, “This is it! Fly right over there and tellher everything.”

Wendy: [apprehensively] What are you saying,Peter?

Peter Pan: I want you, Wendy! [grabs her andkisses her]

Wendy: Oh! Peter! [tries to pull away fromhim]

Peter Pan: What?

Wendy: Oh, I wish you’d been here years ago.All I ever thought about is you. It broke up my firstmarriage.

Peter Pan: Please! The guilt, theguilt!

Wendy: Oh, I’m sorry. But, now, I can’t,Peter.

Peter Pan: Huh?

Wendy: I really did love you but — things havechanged. I’m too old to fly now and — I really don’twant to leave.

Peter Pan: [reluctantly] Sure. Okay. If that’sthe way you feel. [Wendy nods, a pause] But can’t weat least get it on once?

Wendy: Please, Peter, I think it’s better thatyou go.

Peter Pan: Okay, okay. I understand. And I’msorry. [rises] I figured you’d feel that way but,listen, before I go — [retreats to her night standand picks up a bundle] — I want to give yousomething.

[Wendy rises as Peter gives her the bundle – it lookslike a dark blanket tied up with string.]

Wendy: What is this?

Peter Pan: It’s my shadow! It’s a lot biggerthan the first one but I want you to have it,okay?

Wendy: Oh, Peter. [gives Peter a hug]

Peter Pan: Oh.

Wendy: Are you sure you’re gonna beokay?

Peter Pan: [broadly hinting that he wants tostay with her] Oh, I– I am tired and– It’s a longflight back.

Wendy: [raises a hand to stop him, firmly]Peter!

Peter Pan: [relents] Okay, okay.

Wendy: Here, I’ve got something. [sets downPeter’s shadow, retreats to a nearby dresser and pullsa box out of a drawer] It’s the magic fairy dust yougave me…

[Music in background as Wendy lifts a pinch of thesparkly dust from the box and lets it spill from herfingers.]

Peter Pan: Ohhh!

Wendy: [sprinkles fairy dust on Peter’sshoulders] … in case I ever wanted to come up for along weekend.

Peter Pan: Oh, yeah. Yes, well, once – once Iget past the first star and turn to the left, I startto get a little drowsy, you know. [retreatsreluctantly and a little sadly to the open bedroomwindow] Take care, Wendy. Think lovely thoughts.Lovely thoughts.

[Awkwardly but bravely, Peter crows like a cock andexits out the window. Wendy rushes to the window towatch Peter fly away. She waves to him with asmile.]

Wendy: Goodbye, Peter!

Peter Pan: [from off] Ow!

[A grand burst of “Peter Pan” music. Wendy laughs andwatches Peter go. Much applause as we pull back toreveal a lovely city skyline next to the bedroom setas well as the crew, the lights and thecameras.]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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