Peter Pan, the Later Years

Peter Pan, the Later Years

Peter Pan … Ed Asner
Wendy … Mary Gross


[A darkened bedroom in the middle of the night. Geneand Wendy, a husband and wife, are asleep in bed. Ahand reaches in and shakes Wendy’s shoulder.]

Peter Pan: Wendy! Wendy?

Wendy: [awakes with a start] What areyou–?!

Peter Pan: [covers her mouth] Don’t scream.It’s me, Peter.

[Wendy stares in disbelief at Peter — he’s a fat,balding, middle-aged man in a goofy green Peter Pancostume.]

Wendy: You can have all my money. Please, don’thurt me.

Peter Pan: Hurt you? Wendy, I know it’s been along time but it’s me, Peter. [stands proud, hands onhips] Peter Pan.

Wendy: Look at you! You can’t be Peter.

Peter Pan: Can be and is. Oh, I know I’ve gonethrough some heavy changes. But, oh, Wendy, I’vemissed you so much.

Wendy: I’m going to call the police.

[Wendy gets out from under the bedcovers and picks upa phone on a nearby night stand. A harp strikes achord as Peter stands at the open bedroom window and,with a grand gesture, sings to the stars.]

Peter Pan: [sings] There is a place wheredreams are born … And Time is neverplanned.

[Wendy, who has turned on the lights during this,finally recognizes him. She hangs up the phone, risesand happily joins him.]

Wendy: Oh, my God! Peter! [they hug warmly] Oh!But you got older! I thought you were never going togrow up.

Peter Pan: Oh, I know. It’s wild, isn’t it?When it first started to happen to me, I got REALupset. I thought, this can’t be happening to me. Then,Tinkerbell died.

Wendy: Tinkerbell is dead?

Peter Pan: Yeah. Five years ago. It wasawful.

[Peter and Wendy cross to the end of the bed and sittogether.]

Wendy: Captain Hook got her.

Peter Pan: No, no, no! It was natural causes,they said. But I’m not so sure. The last few days, shewas REAL depressed. After, I got depressed. And when Iget depressed, I start to eat. So, five years later,here I am — barely able to fly and so fat I show upon radar screens.

Wendy: Oh, Peter!

[Wendy puts her head on Peter’s shoulder. Behind them,Wendy’s husband Gene grunts and tosses in his sleep.Peter and Wendy look back at Gene but he keeps onsleeping.]

Peter Pan: Your husband?

Wendy: [nods] Second marriage.

Peter Pan: Oh. I’m sorry. What happened to thefirst one?

Wendy: He got tired of hearing aboutyou.

Peter Pan: Awwww ….

Wendy: This is Gene. He sells wallpaper. [Peterwaves halfheartedly at Gene] We’re -comfortable.

Peter Pan: Mmm? Yeah. Well, well, uh, whatabout the boys? Uh, how are – how are John and littleMichael?

Wendy: Well, John is Japan.

Peter Pan: Oh, good, good.

Wendy: And he’s stationed there with theNavy.

Peter Pan: Mm hm, mm hm.

Wendy: Michael, uh, he left home when he wasabout seventeen or so.

Peter Pan: Oh?

Wendy: We don’t know where he is. But he sendsus a card every Christmas just to let us know he’sokay.

Peter Pan: Why’d he leave?

Wendy: He was looking for you.

Peter Pan: Oh, no! Not another one! That’s allI’ve ever heard! [rises, upset] “He left home lookingfor you.” “This one was jumping off a roof, thinkinghe could fly.” The guilt! I couldn’t take it any moreso I gave everything up.

Wendy: What do you mean?

Peter Pan: I mean, when Tiger Lily started tolook different to me, I knew it was time to grow up.[sits next to Wendy, sadly]

Wendy: Peter? What do you want from me?

Peter Pan: Well, I’m not sure. Wendy, I alwaystold you I was coming back, some day, but I was alsoshy and then I started to lose my hair. And I gained afew. And I didn’t wanna see, you know, have you see melooking like this.

Wendy: Oh, Peter! How could you ever think thatway? You were my hero.

Peter Pan: Well–

Wendy: I loved you.

Peter Pan: Ha ha. I know that NOW. But, backthen, I only know I started to feel something but Iwasn’t sure what it was. And when you’re a little boy,you’re never sure of anything. It took me YEARS ofanalysis to realize that I love you, too, Wendy. And,uh, so today, after work, I had a few belts and Idecided, “This is it! Fly right over there and tellher everything.”

Wendy: [apprehensively] What are you saying,Peter?

Peter Pan: I want you, Wendy! [grabs her andkisses her]

Wendy: Oh! Peter! [tries to pull away fromhim]

Peter Pan: What?

Wendy: Oh, I wish you’d been here years ago.All I ever thought about is you. It broke up my firstmarriage.

Peter Pan: Please! The guilt, theguilt!

Wendy: Oh, I’m sorry. But, now, I can’t,Peter.

Peter Pan: Huh?

Wendy: I really did love you but — things havechanged. I’m too old to fly now and — I really don’twant to leave.

Peter Pan: [reluctantly] Sure. Okay. If that’sthe way you feel. [Wendy nods, a pause] But can’t weat least get it on once?

Wendy: Please, Peter, I think it’s better thatyou go.

Peter Pan: Okay, okay. I understand. And I’msorry. [rises] I figured you’d feel that way but,listen, before I go — [retreats to her night standand picks up a bundle] — I want to give yousomething.

[Wendy rises as Peter gives her the bundle – it lookslike a dark blanket tied up with string.]

Wendy: What is this?

Peter Pan: It’s my shadow! It’s a lot biggerthan the first one but I want you to have it,okay?

Wendy: Oh, Peter. [gives Peter a hug]

Peter Pan: Oh.

Wendy: Are you sure you’re gonna beokay?

Peter Pan: [broadly hinting that he wants tostay with her] Oh, I– I am tired and– It’s a longflight back.

Wendy: [raises a hand to stop him, firmly]Peter!

Peter Pan: [relents] Okay, okay.

Wendy: Here, I’ve got something. [sets downPeter’s shadow, retreats to a nearby dresser and pullsa box out of a drawer] It’s the magic fairy dust yougave me…

[Music in background as Wendy lifts a pinch of thesparkly dust from the box and lets it spill from herfingers.]

Peter Pan: Ohhh!

Wendy: [sprinkles fairy dust on Peter’sshoulders] … in case I ever wanted to come up for along weekend.

Peter Pan: Oh, yeah. Yes, well, once – once Iget past the first star and turn to the left, I startto get a little drowsy, you know. [retreatsreluctantly and a little sadly to the open bedroomwindow] Take care, Wendy. Think lovely thoughts.Lovely thoughts.

[Awkwardly but bravely, Peter crows like a cock andexits out the window. Wendy rushes to the window towatch Peter fly away. She waves to him with asmile.]

Wendy: Goodbye, Peter!

Peter Pan: [from off] Ow!

[A grand burst of “Peter Pan” music. Wendy laughs andwatches Peter go. Much applause as we pull back toreveal a lovely city skyline next to the bedroom setas well as the crew, the lights and thecameras.]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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