Beatles Memoribilia Auction


Beatles Memoribilia Auction

Auctioneer…..Martin Short
First Bidder…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Ann…..Mary Gross
Second Bidder…..Gary Kroeger
Third Bidder…..Pamela Stephenson
…..Ringo Starr

Auctioneer: Do I hear forty-five thousand dollars? I hear forty-five thousand dollars. Do I hear fifty? Fifty thousand for the guitiar pick used by John Lennon while recording “8 Days a Week.” No? Forty-five thousand once, forty-five twice, sold–to the gentleman in the second row for forty-five thousand dollars. (Applause from bidders) Now, if you will turn to page 21 in your catalogues, we have Lot 35, a particularly fine piece: a toothbrush used by Paul McCartney during the Rubber Soul recording sessions. It’s a blue, medium-bristle Oral B 40 with one of those little pointy rubber things at the other end. Yes, madame?

First Bidder: DId Paul actually use the little pointy rubber thing?

Auctioneer: It is our understanding that he did. I will open the bidding at sixty thousand dollars. Do I hear sixty? (A hand is raised) Do I hear seventy thousand dollars? (Another hand is raised.) Do I hear eighty thousand dollars? (Another hand is raised.) Do I hear ninety thousand dollars?

First Bidder: A hundred and ten thousand dollars.

Auctioneer: $110,000 once, $110,000 twice, sold–to the woman in the third row.

(Applause from other bidders)

Auctioneer: Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you will turn to page 22 in your catalogues, we have Lot 36, Ringo Starr.

(Ringo Starr enters, dressed in his classic Beatles “Ed Sullivan Show” outfit of black slacks, grey collarless jacket over a white dress shirt. Ann leads him around the room to display him.)

Auctioneer: He was for nine years the drummer with the Beatles and performed with them on all thier albums and tours. As you can see, he’s in very good condition. I will open the bidding at $75,000. Do I hear 75? Do I hear $75,000 for this drummer with the Beatles? Do I hear $65,000 for RIngo Starr? A member of the Beatles…talented musician…owner of a large ring collection. (Calls on the second bidder, who has raised his hand.) Yes, sir, $65,000?

Second Bidder: No, no–I was wondering about the jacket he’s wearing.

Auctioneer: Yes

Second Bidder: Was it by any chance ever worn by Paul?

Auctioneer: I’m sorry, no,sir. Do I hear $15,000 for Ringo Starr? $15,000? Good Lord, this man is a human being! Yes, madam?

Third Bidder: Hmmmmm…..well, does he do anything?

Auctioneer: Ah, Ann knows more about that than I would. Ann, what does he do?

Ann: Well, he, uh, plays the drums. And he has a very interesting ring collection.

Third Bidder: Can he talk?

Ann: Yes, I think so. (She hands him a file card.) Here, Ringo, would you read this?

Ringo: “Live, form New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

Thanks to Shawn for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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