SNL Transcripts: Kathleen Turner: 01/12/85


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 10: Episode 10

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


January 12th, 1985

Kathleen Turner

John Waite


Donahue Green RoomSummary: While scouting Donahue’s Green Room for guests he can put on his own show, Fernando (Billy Crystal) meets a pair of midget transvestites, a Nazi (Gary Kroeger), and Bernard Goetz (Rich Hall).

Recurring Characters: Fernando.



Kathleen Turner’s MonologueSummary: Kathleen Turner points out a fake Jack Nicholson in the audience, then displays images depicting her increased level of cinematic sexiness.

Also Hosted: 89c.


MacDouglass-Drummond Miracle WrenchSummary: MacDouglass-Drummond spokesman (Harry Shearer) touts high prices for normal quality items.


You Know What I Hate?Summary: Willie (Christopher Guest) and Frankie (Billy Crystal) discuss means of self-torture while participating in a waterskiing pyramid.

Recurring Characters: Willie, Frankie.

Nose Hair TrimmerSummary: Walter (Gary Kroeger) trims nose hairs on a professional basis.

Recurring Characters: Walter.

SafeCoSummary: Dura Guard II Plate Glass is strong enough to withstand impact of Joan Collins’ (Pamela Stephenson) head.

Recurring Characters: Joan Collins.

Hypnotism by FireSummary: Before Larry Pacon (Billy Crystal) can take Sharon (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) on a date, her father, Brad (Martin Short), seats him before the fireplace and hypnotizes him to unleash his true intentions for the evening.

Note: Because he was appearing as a wide variety of characters in multiple back-to-back sketches, Billy Crystal wore a bald cap throughout the show; in this sketch, he wears a wig similar to his own hair. When Martin Short’s characters slaps Crystal in the back of the head, his wig becomes askew, causing the audience, and even Julia Louis-Dreyfus, upon re-entering the scene, to laugh. Crystal appears dumbfounded at the consistent laughter, until Short reaches over to re-adjust the wig, which causes Crystal to laugh as well.

PredictionsRecurring Characters: Jeane Dixon.

The Joe Franklin ShowSummary: Joe Franklin’s (Billy Crystal) panel is encompassed by local actress Daphney Clayton (Kathleen Turner), currently starring in “Wake Me When I’m Nude”, a befuddled Alan Arkin (Christopher Guest), and magician Doug Henning (Martin Short).

Recurring Characters: Joe Franklin, Doug Henning.


Boxing StoriesRecurring Characters: Tony Minetti.


The PickupSummary: Man-hungry Victoria Kingsley (Kathleen Turner) picks up meekish Adam Sherman (Martin Short) at a loft party.

Note: Writers Andy Breckman and Larry David can spotted walking around as party guests in the background.


Saturday Night News with Christopher GuestSummary: Gary Kroeger displays his not-so-sexy Kroeger-A-Month calendar for 1985. Doug Henning (Rich Hall) demonstrates a budget-based magic trick.

Recurring Characters: Doug Henning.

Note: Not only is Doug Henning impersonated by two cast members in one evening, but Rich Hall also loses his fake teeth while performing the impression.


John Waite performs “Saturday Night”

Strictly From BlackwellSummary: Mr. Blackwell (Harry Shearer) interviews dinner theater performer Bobby Bouchet (Martin Short).

Recurring Characters: Mr. Blackwell.



SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x