SNL Transcripts: Kathleen Turner: 01/12/85: Strictly From Blackwell


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 10: Episode 10

84j: Kathleen Turner / John Waite

Strictly From Blackwell

Mr. Blackwell … Harry Shearer
Bobby Bouchet … Martin Short

[Card reads: STRICTLY FROM BLACKWELL. We hear thehushed, mellow, oddly cadenced voice of fashion expertMr. Blackwell before we dissolve to him. He is awrinkled, gray-haired, purple plaid-jacketed,microphone-wielding talk show host who addresses thecamera.]

Mr. Blackwell: From the newest of the newaddresses on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, a selectionof four designer boutiques inside one fabulousstorefront, Le Boutiqueteria, direct from the secondfloor, this is Strictly From Blackwell. I amBlackwell.

[Pull wide to reveal Blackwell’s guest seated next tohim — a jittery, nervous, mustachioed, blow-dried,turtleneck-wearing theatrical type guy named BobbyBouchet. The two men sit beneath a sign reading “LeBoutiqueteria” on a stylish talk show set.]

Mr. Blackwell: And joining us today is a youngman involved in the musical theater — we will talk,we will have good conversation — currently in “IrmaLa Douce.” What a delight that this show has beenbrought back at the James Franciscus Dinner Theater… in nearby La Mirada, California. Mr. BobbyBouchet. Bobby, welcome.

Bobby Bouchet: [equally hushed mellow voice]Thank you.

Mr. Blackwell: You know … you’re doing dinnertheater in La Mirada which I feel– I would not dodinner theater in a Hollywood, in a Beverly Hills, ina Sherman Oaks, in a Studio City. In a Westwood -[chortles] – no way – would I do dinnertheater in a Westwood. I would in a La Mirada.Interesting.

Bobby Bouchet: Well, La Mirada … has a lot ofolder folks and they are really wanting to see a showbut they also want to eat.

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: And, uh, so, there’s aninteresting package. They get the show –

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: – and they get the – the – thefood.

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: And they get, uh, uh, allgratuities. And they get four different kinds of saladdressings.

Mr. Blackwell: There is a choice ofdressings? …

Bobby Bouchet: There is four dressings. With -with one salad included, of course.

Mr. Blackwell: Yes.

Bobby Bouchet: And it’s all for twenty-sevenninety-nine.

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: Plus — they don’t have to seethe whole show.

Mr. Blackwell: They do not have to seethe whole show?

Bobby Bouchet: No. Because it’s not the wholeshow. It’s – it’s an abridged version. It’s like thatdinner theater type of – of theater.

Mr. Blackwell: You could not see the whole showif you wanted?

Bobby Bouchet: No.

Mr. Blackwell: This is like what they do in LasVegas where they – they give you just the crême de lacream of the show … And you’re – you’reseeing the best numbers and the bestmoments and the best songs and the bestcostumes and the best sets — and still you’reout in an hour.

Bobby Bouchet: [proudly] And … Robert Claryof “Hogan’s Heroes” staged it for us.

Mr. Blackwell: [genuinely delighted] Did he?… Did he?

Bobby Bouchet: That’s not too bad.

Mr. Blackwell: He does wonderful work.How many … How many in the company?

Bobby Bouchet: Well, uh, the original Broadwayproduction, which I stayed clear of, because I – Ididn’t really want to be affected by it– You want tobring your own th – thing to it–

Mr. Blackwell: This is good. This isgood.

Bobby Bouchet: But – but – but – the originalBroadway production has, uh, had forty, fifty peoplein it. Ours is more scaled down.

Mr. Blackwell: Sure.

Bobby Bouchet: We have – we have seven peoplein it. …

Mr. Blackwell: This is interesting, I think, tothe audience on the cable. What is – a “douce”?I have heard that it is French slang for atart, for a prostitute. Is this true? Isthis what the show is about, Bobby?

Bobby Bouchet: Exactly. But, you see, peopleare eating, so we – we kind of stay clear of that and- and we have more fun with her being aprostitute.

Mr. Blackwell: [laughs lustily] I love that!”Fun with her being a prostitute”! [laughs, suddenlymellow again] That is good fun. Okay, when … Whenyou say they’re eating — and now–?

Bobby Bouchet: I brought you a menu, to explainbetter. [excitedly pulls out a huge menu labeled “BILLOF FARE” and hands it to Blackwell]

Mr. Blackwell: Fabulous. This is wonderful – toshare with our viewers. Okay, look, let – let usmaybe– Can we get a – a close-up on the other camera- [holds menu up to wrong camera] – and just show whatwe are doing here? Does this work? Okay, now … Allright, this way? Okay. [angle changes – turns menu towrong camera again, reads from menu] This is the …the, uh, Backstage Cut, which is the regular roastbeef, which is thirteen ninety-five. I must tell you.I defy anyone — [drops menu, Bobby retrieves it forhim and puts it in his lap] oh, to find a regularprime rib of this quality – and I’ve nothad the meat there – but, er, just looking at themenu, you can see the quality of the food in thepresentation of the show. … which I do want to see.But I don’t think anywhere in a La Mirada you can geta prime rib for that. I don’t know.

Bobby Bouchet: Oh, no, no, no. You’re not -You’re not gonna get a better prime rib than thatanywhere. In fact – fact, people who’ve seen the showhave just come back to eat.

Mr. Blackwell: That is wonderful. … There isa Twin Bill, which is the double lamb chops, which Ilove. There is the, uh, Leading Man/LeadingLady, which is the steak and lobster. [sets the largemenu down] I love the size of the menus, like the bigbulky sweaters. Okay, your big songs, Bobby, arewhat?

Bobby Bouchet: “From a Prison Cell.”

Mr. Blackwell: That’s the name of thesong?

Bobby Bouchet: That’s the name of thesong.

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, and you do thatwhere?

Bobby Bouchet: In a prison cell. By the saladbar.

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, good. Now … I wasreading a little bit about your background. You haveinteresting parents. Should we say “interestingparents”? Is this fair to say?

Bobby Bouchet: [nods, grins] Oh, you mean mybiological parents? You’re talking about my biologicalparents now? Yes, well, this is something I like totalk about but, a lot of times, I get a lot of flakfor it but, uh, anyway, uh – uh – uh – My biologicalparents were – John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe….

Mr. Blackwell: Interesting. The ones we’veheard of?

Bobby Bouchet: The president and the moviestar, yes.

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, but w-w-w-when you saythey were your parents — did you knowthem?

Bobby Bouchet: Well, I mean, youcouldn’t know them — they were so much in thepublic eye.

Mr. Blackwell: Isn’t that sad?

Bobby Bouchet: Yeah.

Mr. Blackwell: Isn’t that true? Uh, so who didyou grow up knowing as the “Mom,” as the”Dad”?

Bobby Bouchet: My legal parents. And I lovethem and – and everything but – but they – they didnot know that I was related to John F. Kennedy andMarilyn Monroe.

Mr. Blackwell: They adopted you?

Bobby Bouchet: Well, they won’t admit it. Theywon’t claim it. So, uh, I – They– According to them,I am their biological son and – and – and I love them,as I said, and respect them, and because I resideunder their roof–

Mr. Blackwell: Well, you – you pay them therespect that they deserve.

Bobby Bouchet: And pretend to be biologicallyrelated to them. …

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, you know, I’ve known youfor a very short period of time, Bobby, but there isan integrity to you and an authority anda belief in yourself which I say more peoplethese days should have. What I hear is a simplywonderful production of “Irma La Douce”– The threepiece ensemble provides music. That is what? Piano?

Bobby Bouchet: Organ and harp.

Mr. Blackwell: Piano, organ and harp. … Toget a very full feeling to the show. Bobby Bouchet. Itwas a pleasure to meet you. It really was.

Bobby Bouchet: This wasn’t so bad.

Mr. Blackwell: No, this wasn’t at all. BobbyBouchet – on stage – in front of – the food – … in”Irma La Douce” down in La Mirada. I wanted to ask himif he ever ad libs in a musical. I’ve always wanted toask an actor this –

Bobby Bouchet: [shakes his head, amused]No.

Mr. Blackwell: – but we don’t have time, wemust vanish. Next — for the first time, theWorst-Dressed Men List. This should be fun! Till then,strictly from Blackwell. Bye-bye.

[Blackwell converses with his guest as we pull backand a kind of “Holiday for Strings”-type theme musicplays. Applause. Dissolve back to opening title card.Fade.]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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