SNL Transcripts: Kathleen Turner: 01/12/85: Strictly From Blackwell

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 10: Episode 10

84j: Kathleen Turner / John Waite

Strictly From Blackwell

Mr. Blackwell … Harry Shearer
Bobby Bouchet … Martin Short

[Card reads: STRICTLY FROM BLACKWELL. We hear thehushed, mellow, oddly cadenced voice of fashion expertMr. Blackwell before we dissolve to him. He is awrinkled, gray-haired, purple plaid-jacketed,microphone-wielding talk show host who addresses thecamera.]

Mr. Blackwell: From the newest of the newaddresses on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, a selectionof four designer boutiques inside one fabulousstorefront, Le Boutiqueteria, direct from the secondfloor, this is Strictly From Blackwell. I amBlackwell.

[Pull wide to reveal Blackwell’s guest seated next tohim — a jittery, nervous, mustachioed, blow-dried,turtleneck-wearing theatrical type guy named BobbyBouchet. The two men sit beneath a sign reading “LeBoutiqueteria” on a stylish talk show set.]

Mr. Blackwell: And joining us today is a youngman involved in the musical theater — we will talk,we will have good conversation — currently in “IrmaLa Douce.” What a delight that this show has beenbrought back at the James Franciscus Dinner Theater… in nearby La Mirada, California. Mr. BobbyBouchet. Bobby, welcome.

Bobby Bouchet: [equally hushed mellow voice]Thank you.

Mr. Blackwell: You know … you’re doing dinnertheater in La Mirada which I feel– I would not dodinner theater in a Hollywood, in a Beverly Hills, ina Sherman Oaks, in a Studio City. In a Westwood -[chortles] – no way – would I do dinnertheater in a Westwood. I would in a La Mirada.Interesting.

Bobby Bouchet: Well, La Mirada … has a lot ofolder folks and they are really wanting to see a showbut they also want to eat.

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: And, uh, so, there’s aninteresting package. They get the show –

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: – and they get the – the – thefood.

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: And they get, uh, uh, allgratuities. And they get four different kinds of saladdressings.

Mr. Blackwell: There is a choice ofdressings? …

Bobby Bouchet: There is four dressings. With -with one salad included, of course.

Mr. Blackwell: Yes.

Bobby Bouchet: And it’s all for twenty-sevenninety-nine.

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: Plus — they don’t have to seethe whole show.

Mr. Blackwell: They do not have to seethe whole show?

Bobby Bouchet: No. Because it’s not the wholeshow. It’s – it’s an abridged version. It’s like thatdinner theater type of – of theater.

Mr. Blackwell: You could not see the whole showif you wanted?

Bobby Bouchet: No.

Mr. Blackwell: This is like what they do in LasVegas where they – they give you just the crême de lacream of the show … And you’re – you’reseeing the best numbers and the bestmoments and the best songs and the bestcostumes and the best sets — and still you’reout in an hour.

Bobby Bouchet: [proudly] And … Robert Claryof “Hogan’s Heroes” staged it for us.

Mr. Blackwell: [genuinely delighted] Did he?… Did he?

Bobby Bouchet: That’s not too bad.

Mr. Blackwell: He does wonderful work.How many … How many in the company?

Bobby Bouchet: Well, uh, the original Broadwayproduction, which I stayed clear of, because I – Ididn’t really want to be affected by it– You want tobring your own th – thing to it–

Mr. Blackwell: This is good. This isgood.

Bobby Bouchet: But – but – but – the originalBroadway production has, uh, had forty, fifty peoplein it. Ours is more scaled down.

Mr. Blackwell: Sure.

Bobby Bouchet: We have – we have seven peoplein it. …

Mr. Blackwell: This is interesting, I think, tothe audience on the cable. What is – a “douce”?I have heard that it is French slang for atart, for a prostitute. Is this true? Isthis what the show is about, Bobby?

Bobby Bouchet: Exactly. But, you see, peopleare eating, so we – we kind of stay clear of that and- and we have more fun with her being aprostitute.

Mr. Blackwell: [laughs lustily] I love that!”Fun with her being a prostitute”! [laughs, suddenlymellow again] That is good fun. Okay, when … Whenyou say they’re eating — and now–?

Bobby Bouchet: I brought you a menu, to explainbetter. [excitedly pulls out a huge menu labeled “BILLOF FARE” and hands it to Blackwell]

Mr. Blackwell: Fabulous. This is wonderful – toshare with our viewers. Okay, look, let – let usmaybe– Can we get a – a close-up on the other camera- [holds menu up to wrong camera] – and just show whatwe are doing here? Does this work? Okay, now … Allright, this way? Okay. [angle changes – turns menu towrong camera again, reads from menu] This is the …the, uh, Backstage Cut, which is the regular roastbeef, which is thirteen ninety-five. I must tell you.I defy anyone — [drops menu, Bobby retrieves it forhim and puts it in his lap] oh, to find a regularprime rib of this quality – and I’ve nothad the meat there – but, er, just looking at themenu, you can see the quality of the food in thepresentation of the show. … which I do want to see.But I don’t think anywhere in a La Mirada you can geta prime rib for that. I don’t know.

Bobby Bouchet: Oh, no, no, no. You’re not -You’re not gonna get a better prime rib than thatanywhere. In fact – fact, people who’ve seen the showhave just come back to eat.

Mr. Blackwell: That is wonderful. … There isa Twin Bill, which is the double lamb chops, which Ilove. There is the, uh, Leading Man/LeadingLady, which is the steak and lobster. [sets the largemenu down] I love the size of the menus, like the bigbulky sweaters. Okay, your big songs, Bobby, arewhat?

Bobby Bouchet: “From a Prison Cell.”

Mr. Blackwell: That’s the name of thesong?

Bobby Bouchet: That’s the name of thesong.

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, and you do thatwhere?

Bobby Bouchet: In a prison cell. By the saladbar.

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, good. Now … I wasreading a little bit about your background. You haveinteresting parents. Should we say “interestingparents”? Is this fair to say?

Bobby Bouchet: [nods, grins] Oh, you mean mybiological parents? You’re talking about my biologicalparents now? Yes, well, this is something I like totalk about but, a lot of times, I get a lot of flakfor it but, uh, anyway, uh – uh – uh – My biologicalparents were – John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe….

Mr. Blackwell: Interesting. The ones we’veheard of?

Bobby Bouchet: The president and the moviestar, yes.

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, but w-w-w-when you saythey were your parents — did you knowthem?

Bobby Bouchet: Well, I mean, youcouldn’t know them — they were so much in thepublic eye.

Mr. Blackwell: Isn’t that sad?

Bobby Bouchet: Yeah.

Mr. Blackwell: Isn’t that true? Uh, so who didyou grow up knowing as the “Mom,” as the”Dad”?

Bobby Bouchet: My legal parents. And I lovethem and – and everything but – but they – they didnot know that I was related to John F. Kennedy andMarilyn Monroe.

Mr. Blackwell: They adopted you?

Bobby Bouchet: Well, they won’t admit it. Theywon’t claim it. So, uh, I – They– According to them,I am their biological son and – and – and I love them,as I said, and respect them, and because I resideunder their roof–

Mr. Blackwell: Well, you – you pay them therespect that they deserve.

Bobby Bouchet: And pretend to be biologicallyrelated to them. …

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, you know, I’ve known youfor a very short period of time, Bobby, but there isan integrity to you and an authority anda belief in yourself which I say more peoplethese days should have. What I hear is a simplywonderful production of “Irma La Douce”– The threepiece ensemble provides music. That is what? Piano?

Bobby Bouchet: Organ and harp.

Mr. Blackwell: Piano, organ and harp. … Toget a very full feeling to the show. Bobby Bouchet. Itwas a pleasure to meet you. It really was.

Bobby Bouchet: This wasn’t so bad.

Mr. Blackwell: No, this wasn’t at all. BobbyBouchet – on stage – in front of – the food – … in”Irma La Douce” down in La Mirada. I wanted to ask himif he ever ad libs in a musical. I’ve always wanted toask an actor this –

Bobby Bouchet: [shakes his head, amused]No.

Mr. Blackwell: – but we don’t have time, wemust vanish. Next — for the first time, theWorst-Dressed Men List. This should be fun! Till then,strictly from Blackwell. Bye-bye.

[Blackwell converses with his guest as we pull backand a kind of “Holiday for Strings”-type theme musicplays. Applause. Dissolve back to opening title card.Fade.]

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