SNL Transcripts: Kathleen Turner: 01/12/85: The Pickup


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 10: Episode 10

84j: Kathleen Turner / John Waite

The Pickup

Victoria Kingsley…..Kathleen Turner
Adam Sherman…..Martin Short

[ open on interior, loft party. The room is in full swing, as the trendy Victoria Kingsley enters. Feeling a little man-hungry, she scans the room, her eyes resting upon the nerdily-dressed Adam Sherman. She loosens her blouse and makes her approach. ]

victoria Kingsley: I just love lofts. Don’t you? Rooms are so claustrophobic.

Adam Sherman: [ meekly ] Uh, h-hi! I-I-I’m.. Adam Sherman! I-I don’t think that we.. have, uh, been introduced.

victoria Kingsley: [ extends her hand ] Victoria Kingsley. [ Adam gives her hand a weak shake, but she’s impressed ] It’s a pleasure meeting you! Do you have a loft of your own, around here?

Adam Sherman: No. Well, I-I mean, I used to, b-but.. my ex got possession of it, I-I’m staying with uh.. [ motions his hand behind Victoria ] friends for just a little while.

victoria Kingsley: [ looks behind her, points in the same direction, pouting ] Is that your “friend” over there? I saw you talking to her earlier?

Adam Sherman: Oh, no, no, no – I-I – no. No, that’s – I haven’t gone out with anybody for a long, long time, ever since I broke up with Sally, as a —

victoria Kingsley: [ grabs hold of his arm ] Ohhhh, Adam. [ pulls him across the room ] Take it from an old hand at the separation game: the most loving thing you can do for yourself.. is to get right back on that horse!

Adam Sherman: [ not comprehending ] But she won’t even talk to me, I —

victoria Kingsley: Not that horse! Look – what I’m trying to say, Adam, is it’s time to put the past behind you, to find a new.. love! Immediately. Now!

Adam Sherman: Well — [ chuckles nervously ] this may see a little corny, but I-I – up until now, I-I just.. sort of.. looked. I haven’t.. really touched. You know?

victoria Kingsley: Ohh. You know, that’s too bad. Because I find you in-cred-i-bly sex-y.

Adam Sherman: [ gasps ] Really?!

victoria Kingsley: Mmm-hmm.

Adam Sherman: I mean, I-I – I think that you are very, very attractive! I-I I couldn’t help noticing when I – when I looked over there, at one point e-earlier, that you were a very attractive.. uh.. person!

victoria Kingsley: [ flattered ] Good! Well, then – your place, or mine?

Adam Sherman: [ Adam is speechless, his mouth quivers but no words escape ]

victoria Kingsley: No, on second though – my place is safer. It’s soundproofed. Adam. Have you ever been.. with a multi-orgasmic woman?

Adam Sherman: [ speechless, but thinking carefully ] Does multi mean more than two?

victoria Kingsley: [ cocks her head back and laughs ] Way more! [ walks over to the bar and pours a drink ]

Adam Sherman: [ still speechless, he meekly follows Victoria to extend the conversation with a weak: ] Nice sweater!

victoria Kingsley: [ pleased ] Oh! You like it?

Adam Sherman: Uh —

victoria Kingsley: I’ll knit one for you! In blue, I think. Not green — [ rubs Adam’s green sweater ] You should stay away from the green.

Adam Sherman: What’s wrong with green?

victoria Kingsley: Well, it just makes you look kind of puffy and pasty, you know — oh, never mind. [ grabs Adam’s cheek ] I just want to think about.. tomorrow morning. I say we lie in bed ’til about.. noon. Snuggling. Watching an old Bergman movie – your choice. Then the Sunday Times over cappucino and croissant, and then.. [ pauses ] How do you like your eggs? You know, I feel silly not knowing!

Adam Sherman: Uh — [ struggling ] Victoria, you know, I-I think I may have to babysit tomorrow, so —

victoria Kingsley: [ lights up ] You like kids!

Adam Sherman: Well — uh — s-sure, uh, I like kids. Everyone likes kids, I — someday, I hope to have a kid —

victoria Kingsley: Aw! You will, Adam. Very soon. [ Adam sips from his drink ] Lucky for you, I’m obvulating tonight. [ Adam chokes on his drink ]

Adam Sherman: Uhhh — Victoria, you — uhhh — you don’t seem to understand, that – th-that I’m only twenty-four years old! I-I-I-I’m not even sure what I want to be when I grow up!

victoria Kingsley: Well — why not a house husband? See, my career is very important, I couldn’t allow a child to interfere —

Adam Sherman: No, no — uh, listen to me, Victoria – you see, this is exactly.. the reason why Sally and I broke up. I-I-I don’t want to be a father – I’m not prepared.. to be a father, you see —

victoria Kingsley: Well, but, darling – we’ll work all this out in counseling. You know, my astrologist warned me that I would meet an “A” initial in ’85 that would pull some heavy emotional blackmail on me, Adam —

Adam Sherman: [ aghast ] Oh! Oh, oh, oh — I just — no! This is the stupidest — I left the burner on, I can see that I’ve done that, I can visualize it in my mind, so — I-I really should be.. off.. and.. take care, and nice meeting you, Victoria, it’s been great —

victoria Kingsley: [ laughing ] Wait, Adam! [ runs after him, wraps her arms around his shoulders ] First, let me just ask you.. one question. Hmm? [ give Adam perhaps the most passionate kiss of his life, and he can’t resist ] Sooo, tiger – you want to do it, or not?

Adam Sherman: Well, I-I-I am.. feeling.. a little.. rather sexy!

[ they step into the door frame to the outer hallway ]

victoria Kingsley: You know, Adam – I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship. [ flis him around and pushes him out of the door, as she follows ] [ zoom out to full studio shot ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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