Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 10: Episode 16
84p: Christopher Reeve / Santana
Superman Auditions
Richard Donner…Jim Belushi
Rachel…Julia Louis-Dreyfus
…Christopher Reeve
Peter Blake…Rich Hall
Cory Meredith…Gary Kroeger
[Richard Donner and Rachel are sitting at a table in an audition room]
Richard Donner: All right. Send in that final three, will ya.
Rachel: Okay. [Gets up]
[Cut to wide shot of room with super: “FINAL AUDITIONS FOR ‘SUPERMAN-THE MOVIE’/JANUARY, 1977”]
Rachel: [Walks to the door] Okay, come on in. We’re ready for you. [She hands each auditioner a script as they enter and take a seat] Okay, thank you all for coming back. You’ve been very patient. As you know, we’ve auditioned thousands of actors for the role of Superman, and we’ve narrowed it down to you three. So one of you will be our new Man of Steel. Now, I’d like to introduce you to the man who’ll be directing the picture. This is Richard Donner, and he would like to see all of you together, you know, to compare you and so on before he makes his final decision, okay?
Cory Meredith: Mr. Donner? Ah, my name’s Cory Meredith, and I’d just like to say I’ve seen all your films. I’m a big fan of yours!
Richard Donner: [Leans over to Rachel and jokes] Well, I think we’ve found our Superman!
Cory Meredith: [laughs loudly] Oh, yeah.
Richard Donner: Okay, why don’t we start with you. [Points to Christopher] You’re, ah…
Christopher Reeve: Christopher Reeve.
Richard Donner: Okay, Chris, let’s try page 37, all right? Rachel, can you read Lois for me?
Rachel: Surely. [Chris and Rachel stand next to each other]
Richard Donner: Action.
Rachel: [flatly] I’ve lived in Metropolis all my life. Where are you from?
Christopher Reeve: [flatly] Well actually, Miss Lane, I come from a place very far away, a planet called Krypton.
Richard Donner: Okay, that’s very nice. Thank you, sit down. [Points to Peter] Okay, you are…
Peter Blake: Peter Blake.
Richard Donner: Okay, Peter, same lines, please.
[Peter gets up and stands next to Rachel]
Richard Donner: Ready, action.
Rachel: I’ve lived in Metropolis all my life. Where are you from?
Peter Blake: [following the words on the page with his finger as he reads them] Well actually, Miss Lane, I come from a place very far away, a planet called Krypton.
Richard Donner: Thank you.
Cory Meredith: [stands as Peter takes his seat] Cory Meredith.
Richard Donner: Yes, yes, I know, you’re Cory. Go ahead, action.
Rachel: I’ve lived in Metropolis all my life. Where are you from?
[Cory folds his script and sets it aside, turns around to look out the window, then turns back to face Rachel]
Cory Meredith: Well…actually, Miss Lane, I come from a place so…very far away. I come from a planet…called Krypton. [Confidently whispers] Yes! [Walks over to Richard]
Richard Donner: [Points to the chairs] Sit down. All right, that was very nice. Now I’d like you to try the scene on page, let’s see, 90, I think it is. This is where the mugger shoots Clark Kent, and he catches the bullet in his teeth. Chris, would you like to start?
[Christopher gets up and walks over to Rachel as Richard picks up a gun]
Richard Donner: Ready, action.
Rachel: Careful, Clark, he has a gun!
Christopher Reeve: Stand back, Lois, I’ll protect you!
[Richard fires the gun, but the unseen bullet ricochets and breaks a window pane behind him]
Richard Donner: You broke a window!
Christopher Reeve: [Walks over to Richard] Mr. Donner?
Richard Donner: What?
Christopher Reeve: The bullet bounced off my teeth. I know that I can do this. Can I try again?
Richard Donner: All right, all right, all right, all right, c’mon.
Christopher Reeve: [Walks back over to Rachel] I’ll protect you, I’ll protect you. Okay, I’m ready.
Richard Donner: Action. [Fires the gun, and the unseen bullet breaks another window pane]
Richard Donner: That’s two windows.
Christopher Reeve: That one bounced off my chin. I know I can do this. I’ve been practicing with my roommate all day. I know I can catch.
Richard Donner: Look, Chris, you’re probably just a little nervous. Why don’t you sit down, okay? Okay, Peter, are you ready?
[Peter gets up as Christopher sits]
Richard Donner: And, action!
Rachel: Careful, Clark, he has a gun.
Peter Blake: Stand back, Lois, I’ll protect you.
[Richard fires the gun. Peter’s head whips to the side, then turns back to reveal he successfully caught the bullet. Richard gets up and takes the bullet]
Richard Donner: Very nice work. Where did you train?
Peter Blake: New York, Stellar Adler.
Richard Donner: Very good. [Peter sits] All right, Cory, let’s try the same lines.
Cory Meredith: [stands and sets his script on the chair] I have it memorized.
Richard Donner: Action!
Rachel: Careful, Clark, he has a gun.
Cory Meredith: Stand back, Lois, I’ll protect you!
[Richard fires the gun, hitting Cory and sending him flying backwards into a pile of folding chairs]
Richard Donner: Rachel? [Waves her over and whispers to her]
Rachel: [Walks over to Peter and Christopher] Okay, um, we’ve narrowed it down to you two.
Richard Donner: Okay, let’s go right to page 118. This is where you take the lump of coal and squeeze it into a diamond. [Hands a lump of coal to Rachel] Okay, Chris, you wanna try it?
Christopher Reeve: Sure. [Gets up and walks over to Rachel, who hands him the coal]
Richard Donner: And, action!
Christopher Reeve: I’ll be glad to pay for the damages. [He squeezes the coal, but it becomes a gooey mess in his hands] Oh, I’m sorry.
Richard Donner: [Gets up and walks over to Christopher] Chris, whoa, whoa, I think you’re squeezing too hard, you liquified the thing. Here, here, you gotta… [Picks up another lump of coal]
Peter Blake: [Gets up and takes the coal] Chris, Chris, take even pressure. [He squeezes the coal, then holds up the resulting diamond]
Richard Donner: Very nice. Excellent job, excellent job. That’s very good, Peter.
Christopher Reeve: Excuse me, did I mention that I played in The Seagull at the Virgin Theater Festival.
Richard Donner: Yeah, we have your resume. Okay, now I wanna go to page 153, all right. Now this is where you melt Lex Luthor’s phone with your heat vision. Chris, let’s start with you. You can melt this pay phone right here. You ready? Action!
Christopher Reeve: I’m sorry, Lex, but that phone is out of order. [SFX of “heat vision” as Chris stares at the phone. The curtain next to the phone suddenly catches fire]
Richard Donner: The phone! I said the phone! We got a fire here now.
[Christopher tries to put out the fire as Richard and Rachel panic. Peter walks over to the curtain and blows. SFX: Strong wind. The curtain is “blown” off the rod and out the window.]
Richard Donner: Very good, Peter, very good! Well, Peter, congratulations! You’re our new Man of Steel! [Shakes Peter’s hand]
Peter Blake: No!
Richard Donner: Yes you are!
Rachel: Now listen, I’m gonna wanna get you down to Costumes right away. We’re going out on location next week, so…
Peter Blake: Next week? Oh, no, I can’t do that.
Richard Donner: Why not?
Peter Blake: I got a call-back on a Dial Soap commercial.
Richard Donner: Really, you can’t get out of it?
Peter Blake: [shakes his head] Thanks! [exits]
Rachel: [Shrugs] Well!
Richard Donner: [audibly whispering] All we got left is this idiot here. [Walks over to Christopher] Your name again?
Christopher Reeve: Christopher Reeve, sir.
Richard Donner: Congratulations, Chris.
Christopher Reeve: [Stands and shakes Richard’s hand] Ah, thank you, Mr. Donner!
Richard Donner: You’re our new Man of Steel.
Christopher Reeve: Ah, thank you!
Richard Donner: Now, listen to me. You’re gonna have to work on catching those bullets.
Christopher Reeve: Right, I understand, I will, Mr. Donner. I’ll start right now. Rachel, do you mind? We could practice right now. [Walks over to the window]
Rachel: It’ll be a pleasure, Superman.
[Rachel begins firing the gun, but Chris fails to catch any of the bullets]
Richard Donner: Come on! Open your mouth!
[The bullet-catching practice continues as the audience applauds. The cameras pull back to show the audience seated above the set. Fade]
Submitted by: JTR115
