SNL Transcripts: Chevy Chase: 11/16/85: Chevy Chase’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 11: Episode 2

85b: Chevy Chase / Sheila E.

Chevy Chase’s Monologue

…..Chevy Chase
…..Jon Lovitz

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Chevy Chase!

Chevy Chase: Thank you very much! Good evening! Thank you very much!

[ Chevy points to the upper left balcony portion of the audience. ]

Chevy Chase: Take him out! It’s great to be back.

Male Audience Member (O/S): We love you, Chevy!!

[ Chevy points to the same area again. ]

Chevy Chase: Out. This studio has so many memories for me… As you well know…

[ Chevy points to Stage Right. ]

Chevy Chase: For instance, I used to play little league ball in that corner over there… uh…

[ Chevy points to The Saturday Night Band. ]

Chevy Chase: Actually, my grandma used to live right up there, where the band is… years of memories… I also used to work here, quite seriously. Some of you remember it was a little show… “The Marty Nesbitt Show”; too bad about what happened to Marty.

It’s hard to believe it’s been ten years. Ten long years. To me, it only feels like 11… 11 1/2… I started doing this show 15 years ago and I’ve only been here a week.

I’ve gotten to know the cast very well. It’s a great new cast! I hope you saw last week’s show and if you didn’t, you’re going to meet them. They’re a great group of 28 kids… uh… not true. There are only about seven.

And I like them all, particularly that one guy Mark… Mark Lugar.

[ Chevy glances off camera. ]

Chevy Chase: Huh… Oh, Jon! That kid Jon… Jon Lugar.

[ Chevy glances off camera. ]

Chevy Chase: Lovitz? Jon Lovitz! Jon, come on up here!

[ Cheers and applause from the audience as Jon gets onto Home Base with Chevy. ]

Chevy Chase: Just one of the cast… One of the new kids, one of the new kids…

Jon Lovitz: Thanks for those kind words, Mr. Chase.

Chevy Chase: You’re very welcome, Carl.

Jon Lovitz: Mr. Chase, the cast wanted me to ask you if you could give us any words of advice. Anything that would help us in the future.

Chevy Chase: Certainly — when you’re having a barbeque, never pour the charcoal fluid directly on top of the charcoal. Always wait for a little bit, then lit the charcoal because then the grill will go BOOM! Then they’ll be a mess, and… always avoid leaving oily rags in the garage… that’s always a good thing.

Jon Lovitz: Can I ask you another question?

Chevy Chase: I’m sorry. I’m afraid I don’t have any more time. Thanks, Marge!

[ Jon and Chevy shake hands and Jon exits. ]

Chevy Chase: That gal is great! Stick with us. We got a great show. My musical guest is, of course, you already know — Sheila Eisenberg.

[ Chevy glances off camera. ]

Chevy Chase: Only the initial? Okay… S. Eisenberg is going to be here. It’s going to be terrific. We’ll be right back! Stay with us!

Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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