SNL Transcripts: Chevy Chase: 11/16/85: Chevy Chase’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 11: Episode 2

85b: Chevy Chase / Sheila E.

Chevy Chase’s Monologue

…..Chevy Chase
…..Jon Lovitz

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Chevy Chase!

Chevy Chase: Thank you very much! Good evening! Thank you very much!

[ Chevy points to the upper left balcony portion of the audience. ]

Chevy Chase: Take him out! It’s great to be back.

Male Audience Member (O/S): We love you, Chevy!!

[ Chevy points to the same area again. ]

Chevy Chase: Out. This studio has so many memories for me… As you well know…

[ Chevy points to Stage Right. ]

Chevy Chase: For instance, I used to play little league ball in that corner over there… uh…

[ Chevy points to The Saturday Night Band. ]

Chevy Chase: Actually, my grandma used to live right up there, where the band is… years of memories… I also used to work here, quite seriously. Some of you remember it was a little show… “The Marty Nesbitt Show”; too bad about what happened to Marty.

It’s hard to believe it’s been ten years. Ten long years. To me, it only feels like 11… 11 1/2… I started doing this show 15 years ago and I’ve only been here a week.

I’ve gotten to know the cast very well. It’s a great new cast! I hope you saw last week’s show and if you didn’t, you’re going to meet them. They’re a great group of 28 kids… uh… not true. There are only about seven.

And I like them all, particularly that one guy Mark… Mark Lugar.

[ Chevy glances off camera. ]

Chevy Chase: Huh… Oh, Jon! That kid Jon… Jon Lugar.

[ Chevy glances off camera. ]

Chevy Chase: Lovitz? Jon Lovitz! Jon, come on up here!

[ Cheers and applause from the audience as Jon gets onto Home Base with Chevy. ]

Chevy Chase: Just one of the cast… One of the new kids, one of the new kids…

Jon Lovitz: Thanks for those kind words, Mr. Chase.

Chevy Chase: You’re very welcome, Carl.

Jon Lovitz: Mr. Chase, the cast wanted me to ask you if you could give us any words of advice. Anything that would help us in the future.

Chevy Chase: Certainly — when you’re having a barbeque, never pour the charcoal fluid directly on top of the charcoal. Always wait for a little bit, then lit the charcoal because then the grill will go BOOM! Then they’ll be a mess, and… always avoid leaving oily rags in the garage… that’s always a good thing.

Jon Lovitz: Can I ask you another question?

Chevy Chase: I’m sorry. I’m afraid I don’t have any more time. Thanks, Marge!

[ Jon and Chevy shake hands and Jon exits. ]

Chevy Chase: That gal is great! Stick with us. We got a great show. My musical guest is, of course, you already know — Sheila Eisenberg.

[ Chevy glances off camera. ]

Chevy Chase: Only the initial? Okay… S. Eisenberg is going to be here. It’s going to be terrific. We’ll be right back! Stay with us!

Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts

Notify of