Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 11: Episode 2
Chevy Chase’s Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Chevy Chase!
Chevy Chase: Thank you very much! Good evening! Thank you very much![ Chevy points to the upper left balcony portion of the audience. ]
Chevy Chase: Take him out! It’s great to be back.
Male Audience Member (O/S): We love you, Chevy!!
Chevy Chase: Out. This studio has so many memories for me… As you well know…[ Chevy points to Stage Right. ]
Chevy Chase: For instance, I used to play little league ball in that corner over there… uh…[ Chevy points to The Saturday Night Band. ]
Chevy Chase: Actually, my grandma used to live right up there, where the band is… years of memories… I also used to work here, quite seriously. Some of you remember it was a little show… “The Marty Nesbitt Show”; too bad about what happened to Marty.
It’s hard to believe it’s been ten years. Ten long years. To me, it only feels like 11… 11 1/2… I started doing this show 15 years ago and I’ve only been here a week.
I’ve gotten to know the cast very well. It’s a great new cast! I hope you saw last week’s show and if you didn’t, you’re going to meet them. They’re a great group of 28 kids… uh… not true. There are only about seven.
And I like them all, particularly that one guy Mark… Mark Lugar.[ Chevy glances off camera. ]
Chevy Chase: Huh… Oh, Jon! That kid Jon… Jon Lugar.[ Chevy glances off camera. ]
Chevy Chase: Lovitz? Jon Lovitz! Jon, come on up here![ Cheers and applause from the audience as Jon gets onto Home Base with Chevy. ]
Chevy Chase: Just one of the cast… One of the new kids, one of the new kids…
Jon Lovitz: Thanks for those kind words, Mr. Chase.
Chevy Chase: You’re very welcome, Carl.
Jon Lovitz: Mr. Chase, the cast wanted me to ask you if you could give us any words of advice. Anything that would help us in the future.
Chevy Chase: Certainly — when you’re having a barbeque, never pour the charcoal fluid directly on top of the charcoal. Always wait for a little bit, then lit the charcoal because then the grill will go BOOM! Then they’ll be a mess, and… always avoid leaving oily rags in the garage… that’s always a good thing.
Jon Lovitz: Can I ask you another question?
Chevy Chase: I’m sorry. I’m afraid I don’t have any more time. Thanks, Marge![ Jon and Chevy shake hands and Jon exits. ]
Chevy Chase: That gal is great! Stick with us. We got a great show. My musical guest is, of course, you already know — Sheila Eisenberg.[ Chevy glances off camera. ]
Chevy Chase: Only the initial? Okay… S. Eisenberg is going to be here. It’s going to be terrific. We’ll be right back! Stay with us!
Submitted by: Cody Downs