Ron Reagan’s Monologue
[ audience cheers Ron as he enters Home Base ]
Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen, Ron Reagan!
Ron Reagan, Jr.: Yeah, you haven’t lived ’til you’ve hyperventilated on live television! Od course, I just want to try something here. I want to see a show of hands: how many people here.. think that I was asked to host “Saturday Night Live”.. because I’m a new contributing editor with Playboy magazine?[ audience cheers and applauds ]
Oh, really? That’s alright. Okay. Now.. how many people here.. think that I was asked to host the show.. because.. my father’s.. the President of the United States?[ audience cheers and applauds louder ]
That’s what’s I thought. That’s what I thought, yeah!
You know, a lot of people – most people – believe that the President of the United States – whoever he or she might be – is the msot powerful person in the world. But how many people know.. who the second.. most powerful person in the world is? [ audience members begin to quietly chant responses, as Ron chuckles ] You might think it’s the Secretary of the State, maybe.. maybe the Chief of Staff, Speaker of the House.. maybe even the First Lady. [ shakes head ] Uh-uh. [ points thumb toward himself ] That’s right! That’s right. The President’s youngest son.. is the second most owerful person.. in the world!
It has its advantages, I have to say. For instance, uh.. oh.. you might have fantasized about taking an F-16 fighter plane out for a little low-level stunt-flying over a densely-populated area. No problem. No problem, when you’re the second most powerful person in the world.
Or, uh, maybe dream of giving away multi-million dollar water projects as Christmas presents. Just a matter of a few phone calls.. when you’re the second.. most powerful person.. in the world.
Okay, enough about me, right? We’ve got a great show. We’ve got The Nelsons, special guests Penn and Teller. [ audience applauds ] And, and for the first time in the history of the show, the show is being carried on the Armed Forces Television Network. [ audience cheers ] Now, it was a request – a special request – of the sub-Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces. It’s, uh.. it’s my sister Patty.
Anyway, we’ll be right back!