White House Risky Business
President Ronald Reagan…..Randy Quaid
Nancy Reagan…..Terry Sweeney
…..Ron Reagan
[ open on exterior, sign: Camp David ]
[ dissolve to interior, President Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan dressed in country clothing on bed, talking to Ron, Jr. over the phone ]
President Ronald Reagan: Hello, Ron? It’s Dad. Uh, I’m here with Mommy and, uh.. we just arrived, and wanted to call and.. say that we arrived, and, uh.. just to see how you’re doing, and uh.. well, uh.. how are you doing?
[ cut to close-up of Ron, Jr., dressed in pink shirt, obviously on the phone in the Oval Office ]
Ron Reagan: I’m fine, fine, Dad. Thanks for calling.
[ cut back to Ronald and Nancy ]
President Ronald Reagan: Now, Ron, while we’re gone, you are in charge of the White House. And, uh, I don’t have to remind you what a responsibility that is. So, uh.. be sure to leave the lights on, and lock the door when you go out. And, uh.. if you have any problems, with the heating or the plumbing, or anything, and you can’t reach us, just call George or Barbara Bush – that’s what they’re there for.
[ cut back to Ron, Jr. ]
Ron Reagan: Sure, Dad. I gotcha.
[ cut back to Ronald and Nancy ]
President Ronald Reagan: Well, uh.. your mom is, uh.. Nancy motions to be handed the phone ] ..starting to give me dirty looks here.. [ Nancy humorlessly shakes her head no ] ..so, I’ll hand the phone over to her.
[ Nancy takes the phone ]
Nancy Reagan: Ron? It’s Mom! I just wanted to say we love you, and trust you, and, one more thing – this is very important. You know the red phone in the Oval Office? If that starts to blink, look on the refrigerator. There’s an instruction marked “Strategic Bomber Component of Nuclear Triad.” It’s tacked up there with a little banana magnet!
[ cut back to Ron, Jr. ]
Ron Reagan: Okay, Mom. I-I got it. You guys don’t worry about anything, just.. just have fun, you two, okay?
[ cut back to Ronald and Nancy ]
Nancy Reagan: We will, son.
President Ronald Reagan: Goodbye, son, be good!
Nancy Reagan: [ enthusiastically ] Bye, honey!
[ they hang up the phone ]
President Ronald Reagan: Well, I feel better already!
Nancy Reagan: See? I don’t know why you don’t trust him?
[ dissolve to exterior, White House – night ]
[ Bob Seger’s “Old Time Rock And Roll” pots up ]
[ cut to interior doorway, Oval Office ]
[ Ron, Jr. slides into frame dressed as Tom Cruise in “Risky Business.” He lip-syncs into a trophy, dances over to the fireplace and shows off his moves while crouched in front of the audience, his ass cheeks wiggling. ]
[ Ron throws down the statue, grabs a broom, and jumps on top of the President’s desk and shimmies while playing air guitar, then jumps off the desk and does a split on the carpet ]
[ Ron jumps backfirst onto the couch and wiggles his legs high into the air, then flips onto his stomach and shakes his body loose before jumping up and dancing through the room again ]
[ exterior shot of the White House reveals a tiny silhoette bouncing in the upper window ]
[ Ron raises his collar, flips off his sunglasses and turns to face the camera ]
Ron Reagan: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”
