Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 11: Episode 11
85k: Jay Leno / The Neville Brothers
The Further Adventures of Bill and Salena
Announcer…..Don Pardo
Trucker…..Jay Leno
Biff…..Jon Lovitz
Salena…..Joan Cusack
Announcer: And now, The Further Adventures of Biff and Salena.
[ INT. DINER DAY ] [ A TRUCKER drinks coffee at the counter. SALENA approaches him. ]Salena: Will there be anything else?
Trucker: Yeah. A little more coffee.
Salena: You want a little more cream, too?
Trucker: Yeah! Why the heck not?
Salena: Good because were all out.
Trucker: Oh.
Salena: How about some milk?
Trucker: Yeah, thats fine.
Salena: A whole glass is extra!
Trucker: I dont want a whole glass. Just a little milk in the coffee, you know?
Salena: How about a dollop? A dollop is free!
Trucker: Yeah, yeah great! A dollop will be great! Gee, thats real nice.
Salena: Okay!
[ Salena pours a dollop of milk into his coffee cup. ]Trucker: Thats fine. One dollop is okay. I tell you what — can you make it to go? Im supposed to tow a car on the Interstate-
Salena: Was it an accident!?
Trucker: I wish! Just a stall
Salena: Gotcha. Thats where they usually happen on the highway.
[ Salena pours his coffee into a to-go cup. ]Salena: You know what? If you tear a hole in the lid, you can drink it while you drive!
[ The trucker gives Salena a strange look. ]Trucker: No kidding. You develop a patent on that one?
Salena: No I just made it up myself. You be careful you dont burn your face.
Trucker: Okay! Thanks dollface! I gotta run!
Salena: Okay take care of yourself
[ A gawking, buck-toothed nerd, BIFF, bangs on the window till the front entrance. The truckers amused by him and pats him on the cheek as Biff enters. ]Biff: Salena! How are you?
Salena: Uh, hi Biff how are you?
Biff: Oh fine.
Salena: Were just about to close.
Biff: Oh, well, I was just going to ask you
Salena: What?
Biff: Can I have some Jell-O!?
Salena: We only have one piece left
Biff: Is it the corner piece?
Salena: Yes it is!! Would you like it hot or cold?
Biff: Hot please!
Salena: Okay
[ Salena sets down a tray on the counter from below of Jell-O, scoops of a piece from the corner, and dispenses it in a mug. ]Salena: One mug of Jell-O coming up!
Biff: O boy!
[ Salena puts the mug in the microwave and turns it on. As Salena returns to the counter, both she and Biff find themselves squirming due to awkward silence. Theyre silent for a good matter of moments then start making puppets with their hands. ]Biff [hand-puppet]: So Salena, what did you do today?
Salena [hand-puppet]: Oh not too much. I cleaned the counters. What did you do?Biff: I made you another name plate.[ Biff pulls out a name plate from his inner jacket pocket. ]
Salena: Oh Biff! Youve made me 14 name plates already! What do you think Im going to do? Forget my name!?
Biff: Well you never know! [back to hand-puppeting] Hey! You want to hear something!?
Salena: I do!
[ Biff stretches his thumb and index finger and belts a high-tune as if he were Luciano Pavarotti. Salena giggles.]Biff: What do think? Ive been working on it all day!
Salena: Thats really good and very nice.
Biff: Thank you.
[ The microwave rings. ]Salena: Ill get it!
[ Salena opens the microwave and removes the mug. The Jell-O has become liquid. She serves it to Biff. ]Salena: You want whipped cream on it?
Biff: Yes please
[ Salena shakes a can and dispenses a tall mount of whipped cream on the mug. ]Biff: When!
[ Biff digs into the liquid Jell-O. ]Salena: Bon appétit!
Biff: Thanks
Salena: Is it good?
Biff: Mmm-hmm! Hey Salena, what are you going to do after work?
Salena: I dont know Thought I might go home Change my shoes
Biff: Oh Hey! You want to go the
Salena: Where?
Biff: Hey! Do you like Africa?
Salena: I cant go there! I go to go to work tomorrow.
[ Salena starts putting items away from the counter. ]Biff: Itd be nice to see. Dont you think?
Salena: Yeah Yeah, itd be real nice to see.
Biff: Do you like that actor Robert Redford?
Salena: Oh yes, I do! Why?
Biff: Because no reason.
Salena: Bellissimo! There we go!
Biff: So do you have to go home?
Salena: Well I dont have to but I was going to
Biff: Well if you want to I could walk you home before I go to the movie? The movies playing at the mall.
Salena: Oh
[ Biff pulls out a dollar bill from his pant pocket. ]Biff: Heres a dollar bill for the Jell-O.
Salena: Yeah, I guess thatd be okay.
[ Biff gets out of his seat. Salena grabs her coat and puts it on. ]Biff: I only have 10 minutes. I better just go to the movie then
Salena: Okay then. I guess you can just walk me as far as the movie.
Biff: Okay I only have enough money for two tickets.
Salena: Thats good because Im only one person!
[ Salena pokes Biff in the chest. Biff pokes Salena near her ear. ]Salena: Ow!
Biff: Sorry.
[ Biff and Salena exit together as she turns out the lights and locks the door. ]END
Submitted by: Cody Downs
