Backstage With Tommy
Mike the Dog’s Trainer…..Jim Downey
Tommy Flanagan…..Jon Lovitz
[ Jay Leno enters SNL dressing room, where the cast is throwing a wild party ]
Jay Leno: Hi, guys! Randy!
Randy Quaid: Huh?
Jay Leno: I’m a little confused —
Randy Quaid: Good show, buddy! Good show tonight!
Jay Leno: Okay, thanks.
Randy Quaid: You want a beer?
Jay Leno: No, no thanks. I’m a little confused, where do I go?
Randy Quaid: Good luck to you tonight!
Jay Leno: Oh, thanks.
Randy Quaid: I don’t know.[ Jay exits room and tries across the hall, where a make-up artist is working on Mike The Dog ]
Jay Leno: Excuse me. I’m a little lost.
Mike the Dog’s Trainer: Mike the Dog needs his quiet time.
Jay Leno: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to —[ Jay exits the dressing room, steps back into the hall where he runs into Pathological Liar Tommy Flanagan ]
Jay Leno: Excuse me – do you work here?
Tommy Flanagan: Yes, I do.
Jay Leno: Maybe you can help me. I’m a little lost.
Tommy Flanagan: Oh, come on – follow me. I’m the producer – uhh.. the executive producer of this show! Yeah! [ leads Jay down the hlal, as they pass background personnel ] Like the costume; keep the hat. Like the hat. [ to Jay ] See the guy wearing the Abe Lincoln costume? Don’t talk to him – he’s a liar. Okay, this way. Here we go. [ leads Jay offscreen down a hall ] I know this studio like the back of my hand! Hey, what’s this wall doing here? Oh, yeah.. I had them build it, uh.. yesterday, when I was taking a nap! Yeah, that’s what I remember! [ comes back out ] Come on – ah, here’s the way we go![ leads Jay past a bank of secretaries ]
Tommy Flanagan: Hello, girls, how are you? [ the secretaries are silent ] See? They work for me! See how they didn’t say anything? I trained them. [ leads Jay offscreen down another hall ] Yeah. Here we go, let’s go into my office here, right through the, uh.. oh! Can’t open it now, uh.. the secretary had new keys made – just yesterday! I keep all my money in here, all my jewels, too – yeah! If there’s any missing, I know where they are. [ re-emerges ] Oh, here we go. This is it!
Tommy Flanagan: You know, I built this studio – yeah! In nineteen-thirty.. uhh.. oh-nine! Let’s see now.. [ looking around ] Oh yeah, there’s a TV over there, and.. oh! This is the audience over here. Here’s a TV camera – yeah, I invented it, you know. Let’s see here.. oh, we gotta go this way. [ turns back around ] Yeah, come on, here we go. Yeah, you’re hosting the show, aren’t ya’?
Jay Leno: Yeah.
Tommy Flanagan: Yeah, I thought so! I used to host the show last year.[ they pass through the Observational Comics set ]
Jay Leno: Really?
Tommy Flanagan: Yeah. Here’s where everybody eats. Yeah, this is where all the hosts go, through here..
Tommy Flanagan: Ah, here we go! Yeah, that’s it. See, the audience sits up there, and we got, uh.. lights! Yeah, that’s what they are.
Jay Leno: Well, how does it start? I mean, how do you start the show?
Tommy Flanagan: Oh! We start with a sing– uh, dance number. Yeah, that’s it! The Rockettes! Yeah! We get them all lined up, and —
Jay Leno: No, no, no. It doesn’t start with a dance number. It starts when I say, [ faces camera ] “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”