Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 11: Episode 12
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:
March 15th, 1986
Griffin Dunne
Rosanne Cash
Penn & Teller
A Message From Tommy FlanaganSummary: Pathological Liar Tommy Flanagan (Jon Lovitz) comments on SNL’s recent rash of bad ratings, insisting that it’s in the same league as “The Cosby Show.”
Recurring Characters: Tommy Flanagan.
Transcript
Montage
Griffin Dunne’s MonologueSummary: A nervous Gruffin Dunne experiences hair loss and sweaty underarms before amazing the audience with his ability to play the drum solo from “Wipeout” with one hand.
Bio: The son of writer Dominick Dunne, Griffin Dunne (1955-) starred in a pair of cult films during the 1980’s – “An American Werewolf in London” and “After Hours”, released a few months prior to his SNL hosting.
Transcript
Double R & SonSummary: Rudy Randolph, Jr. (Randy Quaid) has thousands of goods to offer at his Ferdinand Marcos Malacanang Palace Liquidation Sale. From tiny shoes to brassieres, you won’t find a better deal in town.
Recurring Characters: Rudy Randolph, Jr., Rudy Randolph III.
Mr. MonopolySummary: Lawyer Mr. Monopoly (Jon Lovitz) uses a get-out-of-jail-free card to prevent his client, Mr. Carasco (Griffin Dunne), from receiving a prison sentence. Many more Monopoly cliches follow.
Note: Damon Wayans decided between dress and air that his cop character should be played with more flamboyance. The deviation from the script causes Wayans to be fired.
You Bet Your FingerSummary: Game show contestant Kevin McMurray (Griffin Dunne) is excited about playing the dangerous trivia game, even when the malfunctioning mini-guillotine drops the blade before questions can be asked.
Bad SeedSummary: First-Lady Nancy Reagan (Terry Sweeney) informs viewers that daughter Patti Davis’ tell-all book is not based on fact, then unveils her own non-factual tell-all book about Patti.
Recurring Characters: Nancy Reagan.
Transcript
Buon Giorno, Ireland, Buon GiornoSummary: Gianni Tucci (Don Novello) sngs traditional Irish tunes in his own native Italian language.
Rosanne Cash performs “Hold On”Bio: The daughter of country legend Johnny Cash, Rosanne Cash (1955-) released her first album in 1978. She had her first of 11 No. 1 country hits in 1981, with “Seven Year Ache.”
Two Jones Cable InstallersSummary: Ned (Damon Wayans) and Fed Jones (Anthony Michael Hall) have the hook-up to get you free cable television from your neighbor.
Recurring Characters: Ned Jones, Fed Jones.
Weekend Update with Dennis MillerSummary: The Ivy League sex scandal has the Weekend Update Dancers “Addicted to Love.” According to A. Whitney Brown’s “Big Picture”, giving $100,000,000 in aid to the Contras might not be in America’s best interests, which is enough to covince Dennis Miller to slice Central America off his map with a chain saw. Dennis Miller announces the Pinochet Countdown Contest, inviting viewers to guess the Chilean leader’s last day in office.
You Can Pick Your Nose, You Can Pick Your Friends, But You Can’t Pick Your Friends’ NosesSummary: Jonathon Lee (Jon Lovitz) tries to have a civil panel discussion, even though guest Burton Stewart (Griffin Dunne) keeps trying to pick guest Eli Horvath’s (Randy Quaid) nose.
Penn & TellerSummary: Penn & Teller demonstrate a card trick that viewers can successfully play on their friends if they get a tape into the VCR before the segment is over.
Business BeatSummary: Workplace cliches demonstrated by panel guests include a dangling carrot and an automatic kicking machine.
Rosanne Cash performs “I Don’t Know Why You Don’t Want Me”Note: Written in frustration after not winning any Grammy awards, this song actually did win Cash a Grammy in 1985.
Lyrics
The ZombieSummary: Teenager who now walks among the dead (Gruffin Dunne) maintains a close relationship with his ex-girlfriend’s mother (Joan Curtin), hoping he can win her back in spite of his death.
GoodnightsTranscript
