SNL Transcripts: Griffin Dunne: 03/15/86: The Liar



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 11: Episode 12



85l: Griffin Dunne / Rosanne Cash

The Liar

Tommy Flanagan…..Jon Lovitz

[FADE IN on a glass window which sports the transparent “N” and superimposed nine-feather peacock of the NBC logo from the mid-1980’s. A second later, Tommy Flanagan steps into the shot, in a gray suit and a skinny dark tie, with his hair slicked back.]

Tommy: Hello, I’m Tommy Flanagan, and I’m a member of Pathological Liars Anonymous!

[cheers and applause]

Tommy: I’m also the official spokesman for NBC! Yeah, that’s it. Ehhhh, who am I kiddin’? I’m the OWNER of NBC. [laughter] And I’ve been asked to clear some of those ug–eh, beautiful rumors about Saturday Night Live. Now, as you know, the ratings have been… eh, eh, ASTRONOMICAL… through the roof! Why, better than the World Ser–the sim–”The Cosby Show”! Yeah! Yeah! That’s it! We’re neck-and-neck with “The Cosby Show,” and last week we PULLED AHEAD, yeah, that’s the ticket! They had a 54 share, yeah, and we had a nine… -ty-NINE share! And that was a RERUN! In fact, we weren’t even ON that night! Yeah, that’s the ticket.

[He stares suavely at the lens while the audience laughs.]

Tommy: And the reviews, why they’ve all been… ehh, ehh… and we’re neck-and-neck with “The Cosby Show”! We were a little worried at first because we had a new cast. [laughter] But everyone loves it! Why, just last–eh, eh… yesterday… we got nominated… for an Aca–an O–a… YEAH.

[laughter]

Tommy: And then there’s the reviews! Why, they’ve all been… ehh… and we have a new CAST! Yeah! Yeah! Neck-and-neck with “The Cosby Show”! Yeah, that’s it. And the show’s making more stars than ever before! Why, even our first host was a total unknown… Madonna. And now look at her! Why, she’s the toast of the town. But finally, let’s talk about those reviews. To be perfectly honest, they’ve all been, uh… [pauses] LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!

Submitted by: Sean

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