Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 11: Episode 12
Tommy Flanagan…..Jon Lovitz
Tommy: Hello, Im Tommy Flanagan, and Im a member of Pathological Liars Anonymous![cheers and applause]
Tommy: Im also the official spokesman for NBC! Yeah, thats it. Ehhhh, who am I kiddin? Im the OWNER of NBC. [laughter] And Ive been asked to clear some of those ug–eh, beautiful rumors about Saturday Night Live. Now, as you know, the ratings have been… eh, eh, ASTRONOMICAL… through the roof! Why, better than the World Ser–the sim–The Cosby Show! Yeah! Yeah! Thats it! Were neck-and-neck with The Cosby Show, and last week we PULLED AHEAD, yeah, thats the ticket! They had a 54 share, yeah, and we had a nine… -ty-NINE share! And that was a RERUN! In fact, we werent even ON that night! Yeah, thats the ticket.[He stares suavely at the lens while the audience laughs.]
Tommy: And the reviews, why theyve all been… ehh, ehh… and were neck-and-neck with The Cosby Show! We were a little worried at first because we had a new cast. [laughter] But everyone loves it! Why, just last–eh, eh… yesterday… we got nominated… for an Aca–an O–a… YEAH.[laughter]
Tommy: And then theres the reviews! Why, theyve all been… ehh… and we have a new CAST! Yeah! Yeah! Neck-and-neck with The Cosby Show! Yeah, thats it. And the shows making more stars than ever before! Why, even our first host was a total unknown… Madonna. And now look at her! Why, shes the toast of the town. But finally, lets talk about those reviews. To be perfectly honest, theyve all been, uh… [pauses] LIVE FROM NEW YORK, ITS SATURDAY NIGHT!!!
Submitted by: Sean