SNL Transcripts: Griffin Dunne: 03/15/86: Griffin Dunne’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 11: Episode 12

85l: Griffin Dunne / Rosanne Cash

Griffin Dunne’s Monologue

…..Griffin Dunne

[PAN back on the Saturday Night Band playing the theme song on the open stage.]

Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen, Griffin Dunne!

[Audience cheers as Dunne makes his way to home base under the marquee and the band winds up the theme.]

Griffin: Thank you! Thank you! Whoooaaa, what a week this has been. It’s been everything you would imagine, the pace, the pressure, the pals, the laughs… the tension, the shortness of breath. But you know, all week, I’ve really been worried mostly about this moment, just standing in front of a live audience. I thought I would be… terrified. But I’m not, really. I mean, I’m actually quite, uh… I dunno, serene? It’s like…

[He runs a hand through his hair, and a clump of it comes out. Audience laughs as he stares at the clump and then looks down sheepishly.]

Griffin: [claps hands] And that’s important, too, because… if I’M having fun up here, YOU’RE gonna be having fun up here, and that’s what Lorne told me to say. So… you know… it’s really a good look. [awkward pause] Anyway, we’ve got a terrific show tonight. Penn and Teller will be out here.

[cheers and applause]

Griffin: Rosanne Cash!

[cheers and applause]

Griffin: Is it hot in here, or is it just me? I, I don’t know…

[He unshoulders his navy blue jacket to reveal a blue striped shirt which is soaked below the underarms all the way down almost to his waist. The band hits a cymbal as he tosses the jacket away.]

Griffin: [swinging his arms] Now… all these great people really make me very confident… to do my monologue now. Well, it’s not really a monologue, really, it’s a sort of special talent I have. In fact, I think it’s because of this talent that I was asked to host the show. As far as I know, I am the only person in the world who can play the drum solo from the classic Safaris tune “Wipeout”… ONE-handed. That’s right, one-handed. [gestures offstage] C’mere.

[While the band strikes up “Wipeout,” Anthony Michael Hall and Terry Sweeney trot onstage carrying a surfboard between them. Griffin does a few toe-touches behind the board as the band changes keys in the middle of the first verse. When it’s time for the drum solo, Griffin steps up to the surfboard, bites his lip hard, and slaps the beat on it with his right hand. He punches the air in time with the guitars, and when the solo ends, he jumps back and jogs in place, clearly pumped. Audience cheers as the band plays toward the next drum solo, and Griffin loosens up his hand until it’s time. He plays a second solo in time with the song, bugging out his eyes and biting his lip intensely. When the solo is over, he leaps back again and throws up his hands victoriously while the audience cheers.]

Griffin: THANK YOU! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK!

[CUT to the band and ZOOM in on them in the balcony while Hall and Sweeney stand up with the surfboard.]

Submitted by: Sean

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