[ open on interior, bedroom ]
Wife: I love you so much!
Husband: I love you!
Wife: I love you more!
Husband: I love you more!
Wife: No, I love you more. You have no idea how much I love you.
Husband: Oh, yes, I do!
Wife: No, you don’t. Because I have no idea! How much do you love me?
Husband: A lot!
Wife: Just a lot?
Husband: Well, what do you want me to say?
Wife: I want you to say you love me more than anything in the world!
Husband: I love you more than anything in the world!
Wife: You’re just saying that.
Husband: Kathy, come on.. I really do love you. I love you, I love you, I love you!
Wife: More than the Knicks?
Husband: [ thinking ] Well.. this year! [ laughs ] I love you!
Wife: Why? Why do you love me?
Husband: Why? Well, because.. because you’re beautiful.. and because you’re wonderful.. and because you’re terrific.. and because you have a really great.. [ looks at her chest ] uh.. you’re loveable! you’re loveable, that’s all.. [ she remains silent ] What?
Wife: You don’t love me for me! What if I was fat? Would you love me if I was 300 pounds?
Husband: Your breasts would be bigger! [ laughs ]
Wife: Come on!
Husband: I’m joking! I’m joking here!
Wife: Would you love me if I was six inches tall, and you had to carry me around in a shoebox?
Husband: I love you!
Wife: What if my arm was 40 feet long, and you had to move it around in a truck.
Husband: Okay.. you talk so big? You talk big? Let me ask you something – would you love me if I was going bald?
Wife: [ thinking ] I would love you if everything you touched turned bald.
Husband: [ impressed ] Ooohhhh! I love you, I love you!
Wife: Would you love me if I refused to ever have sex with you again?
Husband: In a different way..
Wife: Would you love me if I hated you?
Husband: Now, wait a second!
Wife: Answer the question!
Husband: Wait a second..
Wife: God! You have to think about it?
Husband: No! I love you! I love you!
Wife: Would you.. love me if I was seeing someone else?
Husband: [ caught off guard ] What?
Wife: Would you love me if I was seeing someone on and off for the last eleven weeks, more on than off?
Husband: Now, now, now.. wait a minute, what’s going on here?!
Wife: Just answer the question. [ phone rings ] That could be him.[ phone rings again ]
Husband: Answer the phone!
Wife: Answer my question!
Husband: [ reaches over the bed, grabs the phone and slams it to the ground ]
Wife: Why, you crazy.. [ she picks the phone up from the ground ] Hello? Oh, hi, Mrs. Scarpelli. Yeah, he’s right here, hold on a second..
Husband: [ takes the phone ] Hi, Mom! [ laughs ] No, Mom, everything’s fine, everything’s okay! I just dropped it down by accident! Yeah. Yes, Mom, I love you. Yes. A lot! Oh, come on, Mom..![ fade ]