SNL Transcripts: Anjelica Huston & Billy Martin: 05/24/86: Goodnights


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 18

85r: Anjelica Huston & Billy Martin / George Clinton & Parliament Funkedelic


…..Lorne Michaels
…..cast of “Saturday Night Live”
…..Anjelica Huston
…..Billy Martin

[ open on interior, Cast Dressing Room – cast members putting their things away before the Cast Party after the show ]

Randy Quaid: [ entering ] Hey, hey, hey, good show, everybody!

[ the cast applaud themselves and pass high-fives around ]

Dennis Miller: All over but the Goodnights, huh?

Nora Dunn: Ah, it’s hard to believe we’re not gonna be back here until next October!

Robert Downey, Jr.: Wow..

Danitra Vance: Yeah, it’s really strange!

Terry Sweeney: Hey, I’m gonna miss all of you this summer..

[ everyone shares the sentiment ]

Robert Downey, Jr.: Hey, I don’t know about you guys, but I am pumped for next year!

Everyone: Yeah!!

Randy Quaid: Hey, hey – uh, does anybody smell gasoline?

[ cut to exterior, Cast Dressing Room – Billy Martin dousing the exit door and surrounding walls with gasoline. Lorne Michaels approaches. ]

Lorne Michaels: Billy! What are you doing?

Billy Martin: I’m setting the room on fire. That’s what I’m doing!

Lorne Michaels: [ confused ] What do you mean?

Billy Martin: What do I mean? Listen, Michaels – if I’m fired, then I’m taking the cast with me!

Lorne Michaels: Billy, are you crazy? If you set the cast on fire, they won’t be able to do the show next year.

Billy Martin: That’s right, bigshot! [ lights a match, sparking a fire in the hall, then runs off ]

Lorne Michaels: [ moderately desperate ] I’ve got to go in there. [ enters Dressing Room, then quickly emerges with a startled Jon Lovitz ]

Jon Lovitz: What are you doing? I’ve gotta wave goodbye!

Lorne Michaels: Don’t ask any questions, Jon! Just go downstairs to my limosine and wait for me there. [ Jon obeys and exits ] Writers! Writers!

[ three yuppie writers come down the hall ]

Writers: Yes, Mr. Michaels?

Lorne Michaels: Uh.. there’s some candy and chocolates in the dressing room – go in there and help yourself..

Writers: Oh, thank you! [ enter the Dressing Room ]

Lorne Michaels: Great job this year! Help yourself! [ closes the door behind them, then rushes off ] [ cut to Center Stage, Anjelica Huston and Parliament Funk ready for the Goodnights ]

Anjelica Huston: Is Billy Martin around?

Billy Martin: [ walks up, covered in smoke stains ] Here I am!

Anjelica Huston: Oh, Billy. Billy, are you okay?

Billy Martin: I never felt better!

Anjelica Huston: Well, me, too! Goodnight, everybody!

Billy Martin: Goodnight!

[ cue Closing Music ] [ dissolve to Cast Dressing Room – remaining cast trapped by the smoldering flames ] [ SUPER: “Who Will Survive?” ] [ SUPER: “Who Will Perish?” ] [ SUPER: “Tune in October 11th” ] [ credits roll, reading “Executive Producer: Lorne Michaels? – Producers: Al Franken? Tom Davis?” and so on, until a giant red “?” appears in the middle of the screen ] [ fade out ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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