SNL Transcripts: Anjelica Huston & Billy Martin: 05/24/86: Hands Across America


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 18

85r: Anjelica Huston & Billy Martin / George Clinton & Parliament Funkedelic

Hands Across America

Kevin Brennan…..Randy Quaid
Supporter #1…..Joan Cusack
Supporter #2…..Billy Martin
Supporter #3…..Danita Vance
Leader…..Nora Dunn
Supporter…..Robert Downey Jr.
Supporter…..Terry Sweeney



Chorus: [singing]“Hands Across America
Hands across the land I love
Divided We Fall
United We Stand
Hands Across America”


Leader: Listen, everybody! Listen!! Please, stop, please!! There are pickpockets working the lines! If you feel your pocket is being picked, do not hold… don’t stop holding hands! Shout for help!! Okay!? THIS IS HANDS ACROSS AMERICA!!!

[ The crowd cheers. ]

Supporter #1: So what made you want to do this, huh?

Supporter #2: When I saw that Chernobyl thing, I said to myself, “This nuclear madness has got to stop!”

Supporter #1: Well, this is for the homeless…

Supporter #2: Homeless?

Supporter #1: Yeah… this is to raise money for the homeless.

Supporter #2: Those bums!? Oh, well… As long as I’m here, I’ll stay.

[ KEVIN BRENNAN, a disabled athlete, hobbles in. ]

Kevin Brennan: Excuse me, could I get in through here, please?

Supporter #3: I’m sorry…

Kevin Brennan: Please! I have to get through.

Supporter #1: We can’t let go. I’m sorry but we can’t let go.

Kevin Brennan: Don’t you know who I am!? Huh? Huh?

Supporter #2: No.

Kevin Brennan: I’m Kevin Brennan — the one-legged runner. Huh? I’m running from Texas to Minnesota to call attention to the dangers of cleats on mall escalators.

Supporter #3: No, I haven’t. But I’m sorry, we can’t break the chain — this is Hands Across America.

Kevin Brennan: You mean this goes all the way across the continent!?

Supporter #2: Yep.

Kevin Brennan: Why are you doing this!?

Supporter #1: To raise money for the homeless.

Kevin Brennan: What? Those bums!? Come on! Let me through!

Supporter #3: We wish we could, but we can’t!

Kevin Brennan: So basically, what you’re telling me is – you’re not gonna let me though?

Supporter #1: Pretty much… Yeah!

Kevin Brennan: Great!! Well, thanks a lot! I guess I’ll see if I can have any further luck down the line. Oh, but first, there’s something I want to say to you people… Oh, golly… I forgot what I wanted to say… oh, yeah! “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments