Bartles & Jaymes

Bartles & Jaymes

Frank Bartles…..Phil Hartman
Ed Jaymes…..A. Whitney Brown

Frank Bartles: Hello. I am Frank Bartles. And this is my partner, Ed Jaymes.

Ed Jaymes: Hello.

Frank Bartles: We hope you enjoyed the first game of the World Series, we are sorry the Mets lost. But what a slugfest that was. Ed and I have asked the National Broadcasting Company for this time to discuss something that you may heard about – crack. In case you do not get out as much as we do, crack is a drug. Now, Ed and I tried a lot of fool things when we were young, but fortunately we stopped before we suffered any.. permanent damage. Right, Ed?

Ed Jaymes: [ nods slowly ]

Frank Bartles: At least, I did. Why, one time, Ed put a penny on a railroad track, and it got real big.. [ Ed extends his arms ] But crack is a different matter. Even a little bit can cause you to become really stupid. That is what makes people do it a second time. Crack is a killer drug. Take it from us. It is ncie to grow old. You can sit on the porch and stare at things all day. Or, you can wave at people as they drive by. Wave, Ed! [ Ed nods ] Wave, Ed! [ Ed waves ] These activities cannot be enjoyed when you are dead!

Once again, we thank you for your support, and now Ed would like to say a few words.

Ed Jaymes: “Live.. from New York.. it is Saturday Night.”

SNL Transcripts

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