Stumblebums Anonymous


Stumblebums Anonymous

…..Kevin Nealon
…..Steve Martin
…..Martin Short
…..Chevy Chase

[ open on exterior, Gerald Ford Clinic ] [ dissolve to interior, Stumblebums Anonymous conference room, Kevin Nealon sitting, with broken arm, in chair in the middle of the room ] [ Steve Martin opens the door and looks in ]

Steve Martin: Um.. is, uh, this the Gerald Ford Clinic?

Kevin Nealon: Yes, it is.

Steve Martin: Great!

[ Steve closes the door, walks across the room and trips over Kevin’s foot, falling to the floor before finally taking a seat ]

Steve Martin: Hi, I’m Steve, and I’m a stumblebum.

Kevin Nealon: Hi, Kevin, I’m a stumblebum, too.

[ Martin Short enters the room, stepping into a bucket and tripping into an American flagpole near the window ]

Martin Short: Hello! Sorry! Is this where the group therapy is?

Kevin Nealon: Yep.

Steve Martin: Yep.

Martin Short: [ takes a seat ] Okay! I’m Marty!

Steve Martin: Hi, Marty. I’m a stumblebum.

Kevin Nealon: Kevin, stumblebum.

Martin Short: Hi, Marty, stumblebum.

[ Chevy Chase opens the door and peers into the room ]

Chevy Chase: I’m sorry. I’m late. I’m very sorry.

[ in an attempt to close the door, Chevy accidentally pulls off the doorknob, bumping into a coffeepot sitting on an endtable next to the door. He then bangs his nose into the door before closing it. ]

Chevy Chase: I’m very sorry I’m late..

[ Chevy bumps into an easel, knocking it to the floor ]

Chevy Chase: Knock that down! [ laughs ] [ Chevy steps into the flag, sending it crashing into the lamp and ruffling the venetian blinds covering the window. He salutes as the flag falls to the floor. He attempts to place his jacket onto a coat rack, but sends it crashing to the floor as well. He knocks a chalkboard around as well, until he finally manages to take his seat ]

Chevy Chase: Now.. welcome to the therapy session. Any questions? I’m your counselor. Nope? Well, get’s started.

[ extends his arms outward, causing the chair to fall to the floor ]

Chevy Chase: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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